Dating a younger man? But realize: dating a younger man is definitely different from dating a man your age or even older. There will be things you like his energy and things that drive you crazy the fact that he has no clue who Max Headroom is. A question about Max Headroom came up. Later, a question about the Care Bears was asked.
That said: it's 4 dates. You shouldn't really be reading too much into things at this point, you know? I spent most of my twenties with a lovely man much older than I was. Like you, I felt like I had a lot of things sorted out, and that I was mature enough to be with someone much older. We had a wonderful relationship for many years, and eventually, I realized that you just change and grow so much in your twenties - much more than your partner is growing and changing in his thirties or forties - to the point where after almost ten years, it became clear that it's hard to plan a whole life with someone when you are in such different life stages at the start.
I don't regret the relationship, nor would I advise you not to pursue yours, but I look back at how convinced I was of my own maturity at 22 and sometimes wish I'd spent my twenties as my friends did - dating more people of various kinds and then settling down ten years later. He also wants to write Along the lines of what Sara C.
You're got some specific goals and are looking to settle down, and he seems to still be in a very Lots of us would love to work for the UN, but it's sort of competitive, and French literature is not normally how one gets there.
And he wants to write - ok, does he actually write, or is it something he thinks might be fun to get around to someday? Are you compatible with someone whose life plans, goals, etc. Vivid postcard 's advice is really good too. Not so much, it turns out. I have a friend who married her soon-to-be ex husband at 22 when he was in his 40's. They have an 8 year old, and after two separations, are finally getting divorced for reals. So there's that. If not, he needs to skip this pipe dream.
I worked there. I worked there, as do friends of my family, who are in high positions. Unless he has a serious foot in the door it ain't happening. And I grew up in that milieu. As to the rest I nth that! My husband is 9 years younger than me. I was shocked on our first date to find out his age.
He told me, "Age is just a number: " He's in his early 30's. He is right. Provided expectations are manageable. I gave you an example above of two very happy people that couldn't make it work no matter how hard they tried.
It was her age that really tanked it. She needed more than he could give as she traversed her 20's.
The problem is that 22 is NOT You will change more than he will in the next couple of years. Enjoy the ride. Just letting you know!
I joke with people that my husband scooped me up and convinced me to marry him before I was old enough to know any better. Too bad it's not a joke. My husband is 16 years older than me, which right now doesn't seem like much. But when I was 5, he was That puts things into a pretty drastic, and somewhat, disturbing perspective. Feb 18, My husband is 13 years older than me. When we met, I was 24 and he was All my friends thought it was CRAAAAZY that I was dating such an old, decrepit creature. Now we're all looking back on 37 and wishing we were that young again. Of course there are all sorts of other details that were more important than our ages.
My friend's much older ex is very fit and attractive, BTW. It's really more about a generational thing.
Couples With A Wider Age Gap
I swear, I have yet to see one of these "should I keep dating this guy" threads in which the majority of people say "yes". The age difference here is not really that great. Twelve years is a blink of an eye. I'd LOVE to be 35 again. Fuck the age difference. Keep dating him. If you still like him, and he's still a good man, don't stop. Hahaha common theme here - ok! I think if you are looking for a life partner, 4 dates is enough to think about whether or not this person is compatible.
So, with no evidence, but you asked: One issue with dating someone 35 is the question that vivid postcard and snarl furillo asked - why is this 35 year old man interested in a 22 year old woman. Among the answers you don't want - because he wants younger women, less experienced women, etc. And if that is what is going on for him, to note that you will always be younger than him, but you won't always be younger, or less experienced. The only way to figure out what's going on around that though, is over time, to discover more about each other's dating history.
That usually unfolds in it's own time. Does he have a history of dating women like you? How did those relationships end? What does he say about women is own age, and his own race?
It is respectful? Does he make generalizations or is his response nuanced? That said, my uncle's second wife was 22 years younger, and the loved each other madly. Sadly, he did pass, and she is raising two teens. But I don't think she would have traded it.
And to be honest, there might of been a little bit on his side of being more experienced and therefore able to 'lead' the relationship.
But as she matured, I think that dynamic changed. They did have a lovely life together. And the fact that you are employed and he is a student doesn't reverse things, unfortunately. I'm assuming you asked him what difference age makes, though perhaps a more neutral question is how age differences affect relationships - what did he say? Hopefully his response was thoughtful? And, depending on where you guys live, and your cultural backgrounds, dating someone Black and 13 years older could bring up a bunch of shitty reactions on the part of his friends and family.
Not necessarily, but it could. That's not a reason not to do it - it's just something to be aware of and prepared for it it happens, because you're both going to need to handle that as a team. Before you start worrying about your 50s and 60s, I would think about a little nearer in the future.
Well. congratulate, dating a guy 13 years older than me curious question
One of my good friends in his mid-thirties dated a year old for quite some time. I would say that one thing to consider is that there is what is between the two of you, and there is how the two of you as a couple face the world together - that includes your hopes and dreams, but it also is how you navigate day to day amongst your social circle and how much satisfaction or frustration that brings you.
Between the two of them, they were pretty compatible and had a great time one-on-one If they wanted to go out together and spend time with friends, it was always one side's friends or another. They found it difficult to organically bring all their friends together in any way that would meaningfully stick.
Either he spent his weekends hanging with all her early 20s friends, listening to their early 20s conversations about grad school hopes and roommate drama and wanting to teach abroad, or she came along to all of our more relatively sedate mid 30s dinner parties and listened to us drone on about wanting to refinish our floors and the challenges of having newly real pressures at work and how we felt about how politics had changed since we first started voting a decade and a half ago.
It wasn't just a disparity in type of activity - it was the pace of it, the cost of it, the tone of it. Neither felt fully comfortable in the other's world. Not that this sort of constant switching of hats as a couple was inherently a bad thing, but it became a very split existence for them as a couple, and increasingly lonely for each of them to be the lone fish out of water while the other was "at home" amongst their generation.
It made them each feel, over time, that their relationship existed in some strange vacuum that took an exhausting force of will to sustain. You hope that as a couple, you build not only the foundation for your relationship but a foundation for a circle of loved ones you both feel at home in.
I think that can be much more of a challenge when there's a significant age difference.
Jan 06, My current boyfriend is 10 years older than me."-Jackie H., 31 This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. Jan 21, My husband is 11 years older than me. The only issue with age we've ever had is when my parents were to first meet him. They were very curious as to what a 33 year old wanted with a 22 year old. But as soon as they met him they loved him. age is just a number to us, and now we've been happily together for 13 years. ?. Jul 14, My issue and questions lie in when he tells me that he is 13 years older than me and that he is set in his ways and isn't going to change that he wants me to think about that. Well, I knew all this from day one and I haven't asked for any of this to change, I am comfortable with all that.
The two of you may be able to get along cross-generationally, but I wouldn't underestimate how lonely it can get when you feel like you two AS A UNIT don't really feel like you have a place in the larger fabric of your lives. You don't sound like a very old soul. You sound like you are in a tearing hurry - and you don't need to be. Slow down. Date him. The person is much more important than arbitrary factors like age.
You could spend ten years waiting to meet the right person who is the "right" age. You could meet him and he could be hit by a bus three months later - or you could. So just date him. Forget age. There aren't any rules. An old soul knows how seldom we form those real connections, and wouldn't think of losing one over an something so irrelevant.
Anitanita - thank you, I think you really understood my question. In regards to "what does a 35 year old want with a 22 year old" - he didn't go and seek me out for being younger. We met salsa dancing - the salsa community is small enough that 19 year olds are mixed in with 60 year olds, and people go primarily to dance, rather than find people to go home with them like at a bar.
So we just started talking, and he was new to the area, so I agree to go hang out with him. And then there was a connection, so we saw each other again. It was only the last 2 dates that age came up - he thought I would have been older. I didn't ask what difference age makes - he asked me.
I told him my concerns Regarding family reactions I KNOW. Well, first off: you've had four dates. You are putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can't even see the cart.
That said: my partners parents have a year gap between them; they married in the s when she was in her 20s and he was in his 40s. He had already had a career as a dancer in vaudeville, a stint in Germany during WWII, a failed marriage, and an affair with a German chorus girl resulting in the birth of his first son.
She had worked behind the bar at her parents' tavern and, I believe, had never been out of the state where she was born. Sixty years later, they're still together - she's 81 and he's going on And yes, she does a ton of caregiving because: But they have had an absolutely devoted marriage, during which they ran a business together and raised a terrific, happy family.
So can it work out? Do I think you need to worry about it right now? Absolutely not. All you have to do right now is enjoy getting to know each other. Take care of the present and the future will take of itself. In the near future, I think your biggest problem might be that he doesn't want to settle down. If he's 35 and not married, not in a long-term relationship, hasn't bought a house, doesn't have kids, doesn't even have a long-term career, then those things are probably not very high priorities for him.
Which is cool. They aren't high priorities for many people. But it sounds like they might be for you. And that could cause conflict.
My husband is 10 years older than me. We met when I was At the time, we were both students: I was an undergrad, and he was just finishing up a PhD. So in some ways our lives were similar, and we had a lot in common. One issue was that he was just leaving that social context, though, and I was just beginning in it.
I had another 10 years of university including grad school ahead of me, and he soon signed on to work as an investment banker in London. That was tricky to navigate. We had less in common the next few years. Fortunately for me, he hated banking and went back into academia, and our goals and values and everyday life overlapped a bit more again.
The only other issue we have had, if I can even call it that, is that our relationship initially worked because he was kind of an immature 28, and I was a fairly mature The thing is, though, a mature year-old either stays the same, or gets more mature over the next 10 years.
That is not always the case for an immature 28 year old. Fortunately the stint of investment banking in a foreign country kicked his ass into doing a hell of a lot of growing up. He would admit to this too, btw: I'm not just saying it. Without that, I think we would have become incompatible over the next decade.
I can speak a bit about this issue because my brother is twenty years old than his wife. My brother started dating young women naturally when he was 20 but as he got older, his new girlfriends remained more or less the same age. This may seem relatively unimportant but it does have some importance as the relationship develops. When I make certain cultural references to my partner who is more or less my age she gets them straight away.
I can remember my brother having issues with one of his previous girlfriends when she did not. The second issue is friends. His friends are his age, her friends are her age, so they have far less in common when they get together.
His current and longest-lasting relationship is with his current wife. She wanted kids. He acquiesced. But he was around 50 when the first was born. He had no experience of or interest in children. He had been a lousy uncle to mine. He has turned out to be a poor father YMMV.
Two of his certainly are rger's. Finally, at his age, he will be 80 when the youngest finishes college. Health issues are already very much there in his case and will only get worse. None of this should put you off. YMMV and, anyway, the most important thing is if you love and care for one another.
But they are issues you be thinking of. It's not so much that after 4 dates I think we'll for sure end up together, but my purpose in dating is figuring out who I'm going to marry, so I want to figure this out ASAP You are twenty-two years old, woman. If you go into any potential liason with the same attitude that you would have if you were renting a car to decide whether to buy it, your dating life is going to seem more serious and more fraught than it ever needs to be.
You're writing about this guy in a way that suggests you're working out how much the maintenance is going to cost you down the road. Take a deep breath and choose your partners based on how they make you feel and how they treat you more than a tick-list of Potential Husband Material criteria.
I'm not wishing to sound patronising, but people change a lot during their twenties, and the person who seems right for you at 22 might not by My sister started dating her husband at Was married at She's now He turned 40 last year.
They are so incredibly happy. Good relationships can be hard to come by. Just my two cents.
Congratulate, magnificent dating a guy 13 years older than me are
My family really liked him, once they met him. Maybe it was a little odd, not sure. It wasn't for me. Some of his family thought maybe I could be some sort of gold-digger We met at work, so, it wasn't a weird bar pickup thing there, either. We knew we were similar in a lot of social views, and had fun together, and went from there. We've been together 15 years, married for eight. I've been with my partner for 8 years, and there's a 17 year age difference.
I'll agree with the other posters who caution that at 22 you may be getting ahead of yourself in seeing this as a potential marriage relationship, and for the record, I was 31 when I met my partner.
But I'll answer your primary question. There are some long term issues with an age difference. You may find yourself dealing with elder care issues much sooner that your peers.
Happens. dating a guy 13 years older than me quite tempting
My partner's parents were quite elderly when we met, and they both passed away in the last five years. At one point my partner moved in with his dad to take care of him I still had my own apartment then. Lots of time was spent in hospitals and nursing homes, dealing with doctors, then eventually planning funerals and settling estates.
I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if we had been married with kids at the time. There is such a thing as a mid-life crisis.
The fact that you will be at very different life and professional stages when it happens for both you and him can make them tricky to navigate. I haven't dealt with too much in the way of family negative reactions, but there was some initial weirdness meeting his friends. I don't think they knew what to make of me. It was less of an issue with my friends, because my circle spans a wider age range anyway.
I think a lack of common points of cultural reference might be an issue for some couples. It hasn't been a big issue in my relationship, but that's primarily due to luck and temperament. There are huge swaths of cultural touch points that we don't share.
All that said, I'm in a pretty wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This 43 year old will tell you that 35 is practically dead. Put another way, it depends. I'm 43 going on It depends on the guy and a lot of other factors.
Date for a while. Don't worry about the future yet. When I was 23, I met the man who would be my husband. He was We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. For example, Mr. Ipsum did quite a bit of partying in his 20s, and by the time he reached his 30s, he was done with staying out late.
If I were a partier in my 20s, I might have felt like I was missing out by being with him, but I was always more of a "homebody" so we both enjoyed the same simple dates: going out to dinner, watching a movie at his house, etc. My husband had never dated a younger woman prior to me - his previous girlfriends had been older than him.
And at first he was hesitant about asking me out, but he felt that I was pretty mature for my age, and once he even referred to me as "23 going on He was working in his chosen career, and I was just starting graduate school while working at a job I didn't like in order to pay tuition. But I don't think it negatively affected the relationship at all.
For that dating a guy 13 years older than me confirm. agree
And I think the age difference matters less as you get older. The difference between 22 and 35 might seem like a lot. But between 40 and 53, it's not that much. I married someone with about that much age difference. This is not really a thing I think about or care about. But then I'm much older than you, and I've dated several thousand people, and had a number of serious relationships, and I know what I like and who I'd want to marry.
But then, another data point, so did a family member of the previous generation, and I just went to her spouse's funeral. That being said, we're all gonna bite it some time, and I figure I've got nearly as good a chance as dying before my spouse, despite my age advantage. This is stuff you simply can not game out: life conspires. Have a good time and, you know, see how the dating goes?
I'm 31, DH is We've been together since I was Because he looks young, we haven't had a ton of issues, but I do get called his daughter from time to time. He is in excellent shape. I know that someday that will change. My in laws both passed away a few years ago, but I was lucky to have a good relationship with them. Our lifestyle and goals were very similar to begin with.
Our vastly different life experiences has been awesome for our relationship. He made me believe in true love. A 22 year old woman is at the best age to have the healthiest children.
If he is looking for a young wife to have healthy children with, that makes him smart.
It only makes him a creep if he starts up with a woman in her 30s and then dumps her because her eggs are old. I don't think you can fault a man who wants to give his children the best start in the world.
As far as age gap, IMO, age gap only makes a difference if a man used that gap to "audition" women and then dump them on some kind of whim. Or if he spent that time having children without marriage or commitment. If he has been spending that gap getting educated or building resources in order to start a family - then he is a keeper. This actually sounds like a really good match to me from what you have written. If he is smart enough to plan his life, like I think he has, then he is also smart enough to take care of his health.
Dating a younger guy has taken this to the next level. In addition to the beautifully matched lust levels and stamina, younger millennials have been exposed to a far more candid and ukeitaiplus.comejudiced dialogue about sex during their impressionable years. This removes stigma, improves trust, and opens a world of adventures trust me on this. Depends. A good rule of thumb I like to reference is the "divide your age in half and add 7 years". That is how young "one should go" For example: I'm 23/2 = + 7 = is how young I should go My boyfriend is 30/2 = 15 + 7 = 22 is how yo. Oct 13, I always seem to date guys between 10 to 20 years older than me, and from my relationships comes some of the best memories and experiences. I would crush on older guys when I was
So it is not likely he will die young. Since he is thirty-five, he has sort of proven himself health wise - you know he didn't have early onset schizophrenia or Leukemia which show up before 30 so the odds for getting a disease like that are lessened for him. That's just an example of things you know he will not get "young". He doesn't have diabetes now so if he watches his health he probably won't get it.
He should have children soon though. Because there is evidence older men have more problems with their offspring just like older women. I am now with a partner 12 years older than I am and we are doing just fine. Not married but I've been in relationships and know lots of married people. Cultural and generational touchpoints - YMMV. There isn't nearly as stark a difference between generations these days as there once was, IME.
Dating a guy 13 years older than me
Kids and grandparents alike listen to the Beatles and are Star Wars fans. A good friend and her years-older husband have no problems finding things in common to bond over; they are both smart, well-read, intellectually-curious people so that helps a lot. So it helps a lot if both of you have a wide range of interests actually, that is a huge plus in any relationship whatever the relative ages. Two major stumbling blocks I've seen: A year gap isn't a big deal when you're 40 and he's But when you're 60 and he's 80 you might find yourself full of energy, still wanting to work and do things, and he's growing frail and in need of care and not able to enjoy doing the same things you do.
I've seen women around that age give up everything in their lives to care for their spouses and that's no fun, no matter how happy the marriage.
Second: You're 45, at the peak of your career. He's 65 and wants to retire now. Soon he's pushing you to take early retirement. Do you take the hit to your career and your Social Security payouts? Women live longer than men so they need more income in retirement. Does he have enough stashed away to cover the shortfall?
These aren't necessarily deal-breakers; they can be worked out or around. But they're things to think about in age-gap relationships and they'd be the same if it was the woman who was older! Banks at AM on February 19, [ 1 favorite ]. Reading these answers you'd think that year-olds were still in braces and training bras. I really don't see the point in purposefully ignoring someone's marriageability just because you're young.
In fact, I think "don't worry" is a stupid attitude. Not everyone wants to have lots of pointless relationships with incompatible people before they're allowed to give a shit about things like long-term compatibility.
That said. Everything about this dude screams either "will never get a job" or maybe "SAH dad". Is that okay with you? I'm in my late 30's and my father is in his early 80's and suffers a lot of health problems. He is more of a grandparent to me and although he was OK during my childhood and early teens, he wasn't the father he could have been had he been years younger.
I never knew my grandfather and now my kids will likely grow up without many memories of their grandfather either. A woman in her 40s or older has plenty of hard-won lessons and accomplishments of her own to tout, of course.
She just might love getting involved with a person who's on equally-solid ground and has been there for awhile. Maybe you're dating after a divorceand you're a single mom who needs to carve out the time for a love life.
A man who's already been married and raised kids has no carpool schedules to contend with, which can mean he's got more time to plan amazing dates. According to Lester, if you're seeing someone who is ten or more years older than you, "he's likely to have children who are less dependent on him, and have more free time-which can be particularly helpful if your kids are still more dependent.
If his working days are behind him and you're still focused on a job and all the ambitions, woes, and time demands that come with it, you may struggle to connect at the end of the day.
You two may not be picking out wedding rings at this point, but if things start getting serious, it's worth discussing what you both think your next ten-to-twenty years will look like.
Do you have any further family ambitions? Are you open to traveling, or moving somewhere else? So he doesn't know who Cardi B isand you don't have the same points of nostalgia-that might not bug you at all, and that's just great. But what if you start talking politics and trends, only to discover he's completely immovable in his views? It certainly depends on the individual, but "he may be very set in his ways and can appear less open-minded than younger men," Paulette warns.
Lester agrees. Or, you know, they might not be. While Sherman says an older man may prefer you to call him rather than sending a string of texts, Lester says that's not necessarily true. We have people in their 90s using it!
Your difference in years may elicit some unfortunate assumptions and remarks, but if you truly care about each other, stay focused on how you feel. For more stories like this, sign up for our newsletter.