Do we share the same values? Do I feel excited around him? Does he have his life at least somewhat together? What we can control, however, is how much work and passion we put into our goals. Here is the trouble with dating someone less ambitious than yourself.
He stayed with me through my shit and never even remotely threw it in my face. All I can say is that after last year, he promised me he will be truthful. I know he will. I like grand gestures, I give grand gestures. I think I realized my dudes qualities are just way quieter than my loud ones.
He has enough patience for both of us, enough tolerance for both of us I mean right there. He is my best friend. And we went through some real life stuff, and we made it out.
He apologized on several occasions and promised he was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I still have my eye on him, but people mess up. He is selfless and I am not. He can walk into a place, and out with a job right there. I try to do one simple thing, A to B. I freak out and he helps me calm down. He understands how I work without judgement and loves me.
I am so grate full I did not leave him. I had the same fears as you. Dont want to start over. Well, and people say that guys dont change. Well, we are proof that people can change. Just have to let things happen as they will and focus on being the best us we can. Some people are just more appreciative in the moment.
He is actively trying to be a better version of himself. I think at least I expect entirely too much from the guy. Yes I know I can be unrealistic, but my dude truly does save me from running off and doing crazy impulsive things, or calms me down when I freak out. I say dont get married yet. If you get an opportunity, maybe take it. That whole not trying to control the universe thing over and over in my head.
Makes me want to rip my hair out. This is important thing I realized. I realized the impact my constant criticizing had on my bf. I realized I was breaking him down, breaking down his confidence and self esteem. Shame on me. Showing weak emotions is just not something he does. He keeps everything in, and I dont think its bothering him but it is even though I cant tell or see it. I think it comes out in the form of unmotivation. I hope you can make sense of all this. I hope it helps you. I hope good things for you.
It just depends on how certain you are of the love you have for each other. That was the only thing I was certain of. Be good, cause a clear contious is priceless. Our worst day today isnt comparable to how it was. But that evil is super sneaky. Just be careful. The sobriety is number one. We dont EVER want to have to do it over again. Good vibes, bird chirps, sun shining, nice things because we worked so hard. Clean contious.
No regrets! I have read all of the previous post and I must say that I agreed with alot of what was said. I have never dated a younger man and thought at first that it was just a maturity issue. However, we have been in a relationship for 10 years now. There are so many things that I love about him. He is my biggest supporter. He is family oriented and has custody of his children. If I am sick, he is so attentive!
We have a great time together! I make more than he does. However, he lives at home with his mother after a difficult divorce. I know this is typically a bad sign but he stays there so the boys have a female presence and we were supposed to get married so he changed his plans of moving out when we starting moving toward marriage.
I know that he is motivated to get married.
Message, dating a man who has no goals apologise
He just lacks drive. I have a lot that I am bringing to the table but he has nothing! He likes to showcase the things that I or his family members achieve. However, he has no plans to work toward his own. I started to regret our agreement for him to stay with his mother until we get married. I was thinking that we could save money but he probably needed that time to grow up.
He says that he will pursue something one day. Still, I have not seen him working toward anything in 10 years.
I often find myself looking at him in disgust. He has a bad attitude. However, I notice that it is usually when he is questioned about finances or goals. I there is something that I want, I make a plan and work toward it. I am now wondering if I have wasted all of these years.
Yet, at the same time, the relationship has also made me evaluate some things about myself. I now understand how important motivation is to me in a relationship. However, I need to know that we are both moving forward with life and working toward a better tomorrow.
You can not change him. It will only lead to regret, resentment, and a lack of respect later. I ended my relationship with him two days ago which I guess is the reason I was on this site in the first place.
I feel like I need to focus on me right now. Perhaps, he will change one day. That has to be a decision that he will make. I just know that right now the relationship is not right for me. Call it too much Hallmark TV, but I also believe that if it is meant to be things will work out or I will meet my true Prince Charming and my current love has set the bar very high besides the lack of ambition. One last thing, I did notice in some of the post that there was some other red flags for some ladies other than the lack of motivation.
Some of them were screaming louder than the lack of motivation.
Sep 13, Dating a man with no goals or ambition? I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. He loves me to death and would do anything for me, but he has absolutely no goals or ambition to do anything with his life. I'm more of a go-getter and strive for my goals. I have a very successful job, and he works a crappy job making minimum wage. Apr 27, Many men break out all the stops early on in the dating process, but by the fifth of sixth date, the laziness starts to creep in. While no man should always be expected to plan five-star dates, at the same time, the romance shouldn't just completely fall off a cliff at once. Dating a person with no goals - Men looking for a woman - Women looking for a man. Is the number one destination for online dating with more marriages than any other dating or personals site. If you are a middle-aged woman looking to have a good time dating man half your age, this article is for you.
Guy- No doubt about it. Will you be overworked trying to take care of him, the house, and a child? From your post, it sounds like that may be the case. This is a pretty common dynamic in relationships, and there must be more of a balance or you will start to resent it. Holly, sounds like your guys has depression. There is a middle ground between being vain and seeking out material gain and being unable to care for oneself. Our home is not a home, and there is nothing physically that I can do to help.
How Can I Find a Guy to Date That Has Money Goals?
We used to talk about moving to Florida or getting the hell out of the state we live in because we are sick of it, but he is showing no signs of motivation. I am paying for my real estate license on the side until the house is ready and it is costly.
He leaves dishes out all over the house and I am constantly following him around picking up soda and beer cans. I have no idea what to do. My hands are tied. Despite all said above, I love him deeply, but I feel like my days are getting cloudy and I am watching the clock spin everyday. I am 35 years old and am in a ldr with my boyfriend who is We met online while playing videogames on the PS4 in April Also, my dad grieved for 10 years over the loss of his brother my unclemaking life very hard for my mother and my siblings and me.
I was ambitious and had dreams such as wanting to have a career and buy a house and then have a family. However, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia in and that changed everything. This year I even completed an accounting course, hoping to improve my prospects but realised it would not be suitable due to no part-time positions being available.
So, currently, I am unemployed. My boyfriend dropped out of school due to his father becoming very ill with cancer and passing away when he was He never had any counselling as the GP just told him to get over it. He lives in a flat and is also unemployed. He is aware of my medical conditions and has accepted them and my OCD.
He was more sure of me than I was of him and it made me feel bad. I told him how I felt which made us both cry. I told him I was sorry and tried to have some time away, but I missed him so much and so we started talking again.
Last year, after knowing him for about 5 months, I asked for some space, because we are in a party chat everyday through the PlayStation from morning to late evening. After having some doubts after some disagreements, I needed to see how I felt and reflect. We agreed on how long, but he broke that agreement when he saw I was playing a game with another friend I met online.
Maybe it was jealousy. Anyway, a few alarm bells rang. The strangest thing is he never really brought it up again after that. So I did ask him once and he said it came back fine. Anyway, I told him that maybe we needed to take things slower and stay as friends to see how things went.
Scared of losing his friendship and being unsure if he was right for me, we continued as before. Time went by and things got better between us, even though I had tried to be cautious. We started talking about the future, him moving to be with me, getting married, going to Disneyland for our honeymoon, having a family.
With regards to making a passport, I even offered to fill the form for him online if it helped. All he needed to do was give me the information and get two passport photos taken and signed. This year, in August, I made the effort to visit him in person.
I thought we would have the best time and my mum and brother came with me. Especially, because this was the person I loved and would potentially spend my life with if it all worked out.
I also bought him a holdall so that he would have something to put a change of clothes in and some toiletries, which I packed in my suitcase. Once we got to the town he lived, he met us in a random street as he did not want us picking him up from his flat.
I did have a conversation with him about this a month before we were due to visit.
Dating a man who has no goals
I asked for his address so we could pick him up. I asked why and he got really defensive. I also had asked if I could send him a birhday card and he just said bring it when you come to visit, as the date of our visit was a few days after his birthday.
Then, I started thinking he was embarrassed of me. He said yes and started to say he was just trying to protect me.
Anyway, I let it go. I even ordered him a birthday cake and took presents for his 26th birthday. However, when we met it was so different to what I imagined. He was socially awkward and quiet. It was nothing like I imagined. It felt like we were strangers. He looked a bit different to his photo.
He was a lot skinnier and he had started losing his hair and turned up in joggers that looked too big for him and a hoody. I just told him that the man was probably looking for the rest of his tour group.
My mum was the first to notice and help me. Then my boyfriend asked if I was okay once my mum was a few yards away. The next day, when we were alone, he told me his heart had stopped when I fell. I felt confused. I asked him about this when I got home as it bothered me. Throughout the rest of the trip, I felt like I was the one trying to start a conversation.
He would never really make eye contact and when he answered it would be a really short response. When I returned home and we spoke in a party chat, he was back to his normal self. Especially, because he was socially awkward, they wondered how he would be able to get a job.
At the same time though, they did say it was my decision. I did try to ask him about work and what sort of jobs he has done. I was taking driving lessons so I suggested maybe he could learn too. Then we could talk about it and help each other.
This also made me question our future together. He said he wanted kids with me but all I could think was what sort of future would we be giving them? Did I know about his education and work situation before? Everything kept going round in my head, that is, how my mum and brother felt, how my boyfriend was in person and before.
I also suggested that maybe we could take some time apart so that I could see how I felt. I started to feel stressed out and ill thinking about it everyday. Then my mum suggested to pray to and trust in God and just enjoy each day and see what happens. Then, the other day, I was watching a movie and my boyfriend was playing his game.
We were in a party chat as usual. Towards the end of my movie, he started playing music on his phone. I told him I was going to take my headphones off whilst I finished watching the movie. I told him that he knew how I find it hard to concentrate and I was just trying to enjoy the movie. He responded with that I was throwing that in his face. At that point, he told me he was joking and that I could be very mean at times. I felt so terrible and cried. He plays, watches YouTube and even naps while we are in a party chat together.
Then he keeps asking until I tell him. I know the distance makes it difficult but we used to watch movies together.
The thing is, we only recorded them to watch because I suggested it. So he asked me if I wanted to watch something right then just to make a point.
I said no because we were trying to talk things out and I was upset. Then, my mum asked if I wanted to watch something with her. I said okay. So my boyfriend got upset with me over that. He had his mic muted and usually he always told me when he was going away from the chat to get food or go to the bathroom just as I would tell him.
This time there was nothing not even a message. I left the chat and decided I was tired anyway. Also, my mum had noticed I was upset earlier and said maybe that we just both needed a bit of time away from each other.
Going to get some sleep. See you tomorrow. I considered talking to him the next day, but I remembered what he said to me when we had a disagreement before.
Opinion dating a man who has no goals consider
Anyway, sorry for the long message Laurie. I just needed to get this out somewhere. As for your article, my story is relevant, as my mum and brother both feel that my boyfriend will drag me down due to his lack of motivation, but sometimes I feel they are too close to the situation.
I thought loving me would motivate him to want to do something to make us have a better life together. May God bless you Laurie and thank you. Wow, UK Girl, you need to think long and hard about your values.
You sound like such a kind person but, to me, come off as completely naive. But Life will teach you these things, eventually-if you really want to understand what is weak and what is strong.
Go with strong-always. Hello UK girl. I am saying this out of love. What you shared about your boyfriend and his controlling nature will only get worse. I know you love him nut you will never be able to convince him to see things your way. He is obviously sruggling with some deep rooted issues around rejection and is shwing signs of emotionally abusive behavior that will only get worseI know because I have survived a relationship like this.
You will never make him happy. Just from reading youe post I can feel how much you needed to vent about his mistreatment.
I recommend you see a massage therapist trained in myofascial release. They can help you. As for your boyfriend know that you deserve better. He is not loving you by wanting you. If you see your boyfriend as unmotivated, undisciplined, lazy or unambitious, then you may not have respect for him.
What do you need in a relationship? What type of man and future are you looking for? I think most people miss the point of life, and realize on their death bed Love and company is whats important Silly humans. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is He doesnt even know what he likes. He plays video games the whole day and he says he doesnt even know why he plays cause he doesnt like the games.
He just has no ambition, no motivation. It really bothers me because Im a Psychology student at the University and I am really passionate about it. I have hobbies and I know exactly what I like and I like to meet new people and discover new things. And he is a little anti social, he says no to everyyyyyy new ideas that I bring to the table.
He doesnt even think about it. It bothers me. And he doesnt have friends that can mean something to him.
Aug 17, We can initiate dates or group hangouts just as easily as men do. The dating world revolves around making the right proactive choices - and this means that if you're ready for a monogamous relationship, you have to be clear about your goals, both to . The guy im dating is younger then me hard working but cant see his goals no growing up i dont no what he does with keitaiplus.com never treat you keitaiplus.com problem is he is dating other women that cant change his life. im buying cloth i give him money. im not doing this to get something in return i want him to have a better life but is like he. May 24, Provided to YouTube by DistroKid Men With No Goals Jerseysaun Baggage ? Jerseysaun ENT. Released on: Auto-generated by YouTube.
All his friends do is smoke weed and play video games. He works as a telemarketeer and he wants to do something else. I helped him but it Im doing all his applications while he plays video games. At the other hand, he is a very nice guy and veeeery generous.
He saves his money and spend it very clever. He buys me nice things. He treats me so well and he is very faithfull. We share common norms and values and we have our own jokes and funny stuff. So, we have a very deep and unique connenction on that matter. We share everything with eachother. I dont know what would be best for me. I dont want to take the risk of leaving him. But I really need someone with ambition and a porpose of life.
Someone with the need to explore life and live life to the fullest. I feel kinda bad after writing his good qualities. I really dont know what to do. We are only 6 months apart. We have been together for 3 years now. He has no ambition, no drive, no passion for anything in life. I want us to be able to save and build so that one day we can live comfortably, to buy a house and raise children in. I talk with him about this all the time and all he does is plays video games all day and lives life day by day without thinking about the future.
I want a guy that is a provider and protector. In my opinion it seems like he wants me to be the caretaker. Your not alone! I say we should have a talk with our guys and have a personal time limit for ourselves.
If he cannot meet that personal time limit after having a talk then it might just be time to go separate ways. Ever considered that maybe his family yourself and friends are enough to be content?
If you are content with having less and doing less a go getter girlfriend aint for you. You need somebody who will be ok with your mediocrity. We had 4 children together and our children, my faith and his traveling job were vital to the length of our marriage.
I have since remarried and have been blessed with a man who puts me and my daughters first.
With you dating a man who has no goals phrase would like
I have learned something very important with my current husband that I wanted to share with you. I was along for the ride. You are allowing him to live single when he is supposed to be in a committed relationship. Stand up for yourself and cut your losses. You are better off single than with a man who is not going to step up and be a team with you in life but instead someone you have to pull along. Hi Laurie, Im wondering how your situation is right now.
I broke up with him the same year. And I am happier. Greetings xx. I am madly in love with my boyfriend we have known each other since we were kids. I am 24 and he just turned 27 he is an extremely hard worker but lacks all motivation. We have been together for 3 years going on 4 in May.
I am a nurse studying for my board exam and he works for a warehouse, however he has so much more potential. He started the requirements for the police academy but it does not seem as he is even close to being motivated as much as I am for him. I have plans and goals to achieve in the future and I am afraid his lack of ambition will hold me back. We have had several of arguments regarding his lack of ambition and he said he will get it done, but my mentality is if you want to achieve something in life you will do anything possible to do so.
What do I do? Do I stay with him or do I break up? Im in the same boat as you! Been with my man for 3 going on 4 yrs. He have a lot of potential and we argue a lot about his lack of ambition. I am a very motivated and determined woman.
Anything i want i work to get it. I do not know what to do but i feel we are on two different paths. I need some advice bad because i am at my breaking point where i am ready to give up. I been trying to get him to want better for himself for almost 2 years now. Kyanna Anderson, your situation is similar to mine. Can I ask, are you still with him?
I could accomplish a lot more without him but to do it alone that just sounds lonely and depressing. He would marry me anytime. With all of this he is not motivated to go obtain work training, or ever consider looking for a another job. I let him know I feel hurt he has never said he wants to support himself, his child or me.
Once I marry I will loose Medicaid, partially Medicare he would be even worse off if he had to put me on his health insurance. I feel like I would always have to be picking up the slack.
Should I just break it off for good? This is my exact situation. We have a 6 month old together who is my whole world. He works for his parents construction company so he will literally sleep in until 12 pm before going to work. I feel like if I got my own place and got back in school I could make my dreams come true. I did a little bit of modeling and he told me that it would never work because would have to travel. Then I was interested in journalism and he told me it would never happen because I would have to move to a big city.
Any advice on what to do or any observations would be greatly appreciated!!
It sounds lke you already know the answer. Those guys were good people, treated me well, we had fun together, etc. After the painful process of breaking it off, I was able to grow as a person and pursue my dreams which led to meeting people who also had dreams. And you are responsible for standing up for yourself and your dreams! Maybe that means having a serious talk and letting him know that you are going to pursue certain goals, and you need his support, or working on your own assertiveness, whatever you need to do.
Good luck! My boyfriend and I are both medical students. He wants a more laid back lifestyle, thinking about specializing in family medicine, while I want to achieve the best that I can achieve whether I to go to a surgical specialty or something else.
He has been the most loving and supportive person, yet when it comes to work ethic he is not as ambitious as I am. I have a lot of tasks to do, yet when I spend time with him the norm is for us to sleep and lay in bed all day, which is fine, but then I become irritated I do not get things done.
Is this a concern? But now looking back I can really see that the introduction stage was nothing but a cover up. Then I got pregnant right around the time I found out he was a fraud, so I stuck it out hoping the baby would change his perspective of life, but honestly the baby had no affect on his lack of motivation.
You can only imagine a person like this will also suck with emotional and finical support. Waiting to end it only wastes your time, and his too. You owe it to yourself and to him to move on so you can both move past this and grow! Thank you for sharing how you feel about your relationship! You want to be in a relationship with him, but you also want to explore life and life big! I totally get it.
Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and that isn't always pretty. If this guy won't break any eggs, you're never going to get an omelet out of him. He's Not Reliable. This one's just common sense. If you can't count on him to be there when you need him, he's no kind of man . Jan 17, And if you put a lot into yours, but your partner puts little into his or doesn't even have goals your relationship may hit a dead end. Here is the trouble with dating someone less ambitious.
What do you know deep in your heart - what do you need to do, to fulfill your dreams for your life? Thank you! I have similar problems with my other half. I want to up and move somewhere new, travel, do everything! My boyfriend on the other hand, has had the same dead end job since we met. He went to uni before we met, and dropped out in the last 3 months of his final year!
Being lazy and lacking ambition is completely different. As humans, we work, some of us work harder and being lazy is nice sometimes. He communicates pretty well. And before you start pointing fingers, look at your own flaws. Thank you for sharing this kind of topic. The problem here is I find it hard to accept his lazy character. This is the biggest problem overall :. And how come we can go for marriage? In my country culture, husband has a bigger responsibility than wife especially in paying bills.
So, if you earn a little, how can you pay all the bills? As a wife? I work to help my husband, not to replace his position with the responsibility too. He is smart actually, open minded and has a kind heart.
This is why I fell for him.
He is He sometimes always get headaches. When he has nothing to do, he will sleep or read novel all day long rather than doing something productive to improve his other skill.
If he has a lot of work for just one day, he will feel very very very tired, like he has a lot of work for a whole week!! At this point in life you are way more realistic. My boyfriend is un-moveable.
But un-moveable in that everything is too dangerous, too expensive, and un-attainable. He says I need to encourage him, and that is part of the problem from his perspective. But when I see an opportunity for him to pursue what he says he wants.
But there is always a problem, a reason it was to hard. I just wonder if we are too different. I feel like we fit. I trust him and that is very, very hard for me to find.
Think, dating a man who has no goals think, that
He wont even enquire about things like opportunities, because he always sees a problem with why it wont work out. He is always unqualified. Even when I know on paper he is. And since everything is too expensive. He is exhausted. I love adventure.
I like home too. Should I just suck it up and learn to be more independent? If I can just not let his fear rub off on me, and ignore the negative things he says, then maybe I can still achieve my dreams.
Maybe that can work too. But is that wrong? What is it suppose to be about? We ated his CV 3 weeks ago after a year of misery and yet not one application sent out!!! I really am in love with my other half, he does make me feel special and we do philosophise with each other.
There is nothing you can do to motivate your boyfriend to go to college, get a degree, or figure out what he wants to do with his life. The more you push him, the more pain both you and your boyfriend will feel! Orhe may discover an interest he can build a career from, or he may decide to get a college degree in something after all!
If you want to have a peaceful, loving relationship, then you need to accept your boyfriend the way he is. Your job is to motivate yourself and make yourself into the woman you want to be - keep pursuing your plans and goals for your life! Focus on your own path, and let your boyfriend find his. You need to decide if you can love your boyfriend for who he is right now - without any ambitions or goals for his life.
I am still in high school; however, I have a long distance relationship that is going great and I love my boyfreind to death. This boyfreind has been in and out of trouble lately; but in his defence, he does not have anyone to guide him. I am very active in my plan for the future and I am constantly talking about it with him.
He motivates me and tells me he is proud of me while pushing me to do my best. Although, he has no plas for himself and says he is not smart enough for college. And to be completely honest, I dont really see him doing anything either other than working in an art or music field. Again, he downs himself about college. He does not see himself being successful in doing anything and I do not know how to motivate him to go to college, get a degree, or even know how to help him figure out what he wants to do.
We have been together on and off for 4 years. Help me?!! He got mad at me when i was talking on the phone with the representative to the school i want to go to for some reason, basically he was trying to tell me that i was trying to rub it in his face, or that im better than him somehow. Well, maybe a miracle will happen and he will suddenly start wanting to achieve the same type of goals as you do, travel, and work overseas!
He is who he is. You are who you are. The only person you can change is you. Do you want to adjust your goals to suit his lifestyle and future? Or, can you accept him for who he is and still pursue your own goals? It makes me so frustrated.
It's not a matter of how much money he makes, I'm not shallow like that. I'm more disappointed in his complete lack of wanting to do anything with his life. Advice please? I'd suggest sitting him down and telling him how you feel, but make it short cause guys don't like to talk about that kinda stuff.
Make sure to be calm and relaxed so he is calm and relaxed and there will be no fighting. Tell him that you love him and if he really loves you and wants to stay being with you than to set goals and achieve them, if he fails to do so brake it off.
Hope everything works out! If you feel like this will affect your future then let him go. You want to be successful, eventually you want kids and a happy life, if he doesnt bother now what makes his future any better.
Don't let him ruin your success. There are plently of men out there that have the same qualities as him but are ambitious and have goals in life. I would suggest you break up with him and move on. Trending News. Actress Kelly Preston dies at 57 after cancer battle. Poll: Favorite replacement nicknames for 'Redskins'. Steve Harvey apologizes for dropping F-bomb. Washington NFL team dropping 'Redskins' name. Trump retweets post accusing CDC of lying. Amazon drops price on popular Apple Watch.