I feel for you. Borderline Personality Disorder is no joking matter. Too many articles like this one exist on the internet that demonize BPD. At the end of the day, relationships are meant to improve your life and help you grow as a person. This is why the first rule that I give to my readers is to remove the BPD label completely. This is a major shift in your mental state.
You cannot "heal" your loved one. Also, you need to know that the dysfunction BPD creates in a person's life cripples their emotional capability and understanding, so it's likely that you will not be able to have an emotionally mature relationship.
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People with BPD are not accustomed to receiving compliments. To establish trust and influence in your partner's life, complimenting your partner for even little things they do that are noteworthy may surprise you and go a long way. You can also use compliments to reward good behavior, such as "I know you were stressed out yesterday, but you handled it really well," or "I noticed the way you have stopped yelling at me.
However, note that you need to assess what mood your partner is in.
Stating the compliment at the wrong time could solicit an extreme reaction. You may never get a response verbally or an expression of gratitude, or even an insult in response. However, it could work for some people with BPD, especially if they seek compliments.
Try as long as you are willing. Since a person with BPD has low self-esteem, you could be doing some good.
People who have been abused or neglected as children are at higher risk for developing BPD. Because the behaviors of a person with BPD are so outrageous at times, it's very easy to call it quits or blame the person with BPD. It would be like faulting a person for getting cancer.
However, this is not a reason to allow the person you love with BPD to manipulate or abuse you. Still set your limits and stick to them, but in a loving and nonjudgmental way.
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Also, don't take their outrageous behaviors personally. These are the emotional issues of your loved one. One of the ways you can maintain a relationship with your loved one is to educate yourself about the disorder so you can understand your loved one's behaviors.
People with BPD will often attack you aggressively or get highly defensive, and people often feel like they are dragged to extremes as they are manipulated and guilted into different emotional states and actions they don't feel comfortable doing. Learning about the disorder will help you understand how your loved one experiences things.
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Realizing that your loved one has a completely different emotional perspective will help you protect yourself and stick to boundaries. BPD is known as a misunderstood disorder because it often co-occurs with other disorders, such as " depressionbi-polar disorder, substance abuseeating disordersand anxiety disorders.
If your partner is already being treated for another disorder and the disorder does not fully explain the parameters of her behavior, have the doctor explore the possibility that she could have BPD. You may have a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle happening with your partner. People who have this disorder have an intense need to feel loved, but their extreme behaviors always keep them in a state of losing that love.
I am diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder - (Reddit Ask Me Anything)
That loss of love supports their intense fear of being abandoned. These are symptoms of the disorderand not displays of callousness or an effort to hurt you.
Apr 19, For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. But if you're dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is probably at once familiar and remarkable; the deep stigma attached to BPD-and specifically having relationships with someone who has BPD-makes stories of intact relationships all too keitaiplus.com: Elisabet Kvarnstrom. BPD is FAR closer to disorders like that than they are to being a "normal" person. You are not dating a normal person down on their luck. You are dating someone mentally disordered. BPD is very toxic to relationships because its nature is seeded in subtle manipulations, lies, guilting, but generally give off the impression they are "normal". Borderline Personality Disorder is no joking matter. Too many articles (like this one) exist on the internet that demonize BPD. They'll convince you that any sort of relationship with a BPD-type of man is a waste of your time.
If the situation seems to be in the middle of escalation, practice the Four D's : "Delay, Distract, Depersonalize, and Detach. You cannot force your partner into therapy. However, you can get help for yourself, and with long-term effort, you could convince your partner to get help over time, with increased trust, consistency, and a genuine show for concern.
If you are not strong in yourself, having a person in your life with BPD can make you feel like your life and identity are disappearing as you are trying to meet all the needs and demands of your partner. Allow boundary crossings: Some individuals require you to maintain strong boundaries at all times. No questions asked. No doubt about it.
Always go the extra mile: Going the extra mile is a wonderful thing to do. However, boundaries need to remain firm as needed and respected by the individual who chooses to manipulate the relationship. Look affected by attempts to control, manipulate, or dominate: Any sign of emotional distress, agitation, anger, or even pleasure can give way too much information away to someone who intends to manipulate or control you. For example, I once counseled a young male with BPD who would report details of his life to me and then pause to see if I would respond in the fashion he had predicted.
Sometimes having this response can change the entire encounter for the better. Be manipulated by cyclical chaos: Chaos that occurs in cycles such as every spring, every school year, every anniversary, or every holiday may be intentional or unintentional behavior. Disrupt the cycle by deterring it, blocking it, or switching up your plans.
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If cycles are unintentional, a more therapeutic approach should be utilized. Engage in codependent behaviors: Co-dependence describes two individuals who lose their own identities, values, belief systems, feelings, thoughts, etc. Some individuals with BPD struggle with feelings of abandonment and will do almost anything to decrease these feelings. This conversation must be empathetic. Be pulled in by unsubstantiated fears of abandonment: I once counseled a young lady who exhibited every single symptom of BPD but was way too young to be diagnosed at the time.
When she became a teenager she started dating a lot of guys. In almost every relationship, she ended up losing the guy because she pushed them away with her desperate attempts to avoid the anxiety and negative thought patterns that would arise every time the guy would temporarily leave her.
Most individuals with BPD have an intolerance of aloneness, loneliness, or being alone. This can result in unhealthy patterns of behaviors.
Dec 15, For example, a male with BPD may engage in frequent binge drinking of alcohol and have multiple unsafe intimate relationships with others while being married and . Evolution of Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships. How do borderline personality disorder relationships evolve? They usually start out with excitement and fun, but end in turmoil and pain, leaving the non-BPD partner deeply hurt and confused. Given this reality, why begin dating someone with borderline personality disorder in the first. 10 Tips for Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder By Kirsten Schuder Mental Health Professional It is challenging to have a relationship with a person that has borderline personality disorder (BPD), especially since one of the hallmarks of the disorder is unstable relationships.
You want to be careful with reinforcing these fears by how you respond. You can comfort the person or reassure them without enabling.
Normalize sexual promiscuity or risky behaviors: Normalization of risky or inappropriate behaviors will only make things worse. Some individuals with BPD tend to push limits, engage in risky behaviors, or seek stimulation in ways that are unhealthy. For example, a male with BPD may engage in frequent binge drinking of alcohol and have multiple unsafe intimate relationships with others while being married and holding a great position at a law firm.
This pattern of behavior may continue if others begin to normalize the behavior in an effort to make him feel less negative about himself. Normalize things and minimize your intuition: If it appears that something is truly wrong, something is most likely wrong. Everyone gets angry. Everyone experiences intense emotions.
And everyone will over-react at some point in their lives. But if these behaviors are intense and repeated, attention should be paid to the behavior. What do you think about this topic? What has been your experience?
A place for those who have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) (also known as E [Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder])-, their family members and friends, and anyone else who is interested in learning more about the disorder. help App coins premium gifts. about careers press advertise blog Terms. Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Jun 01, When it comes to dating with BPD, it is possible to make it work, and it can be extremely rewarding for both parties involved. Having a mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable.
Psych Central. Last ated: 15 Dec Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network blogs. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central.
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