Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside. Those moments are what the person longs for.
You may even break up to make up, though not all borderline personality disorder romantic relationships are the same. BPD is a real illness. If you have it, expect to go through mood swings and even psychotic episodes.
Ignoring someone with borderline personality disorder is the wrong thing to do. They can also be vengeful and unforgiving individuals, not to mention, they are capable of mastering the silent treatment. To me, a sin is a sin, so for me to say one mental disorder is not as severe as the other is crazy. However, BPD is about fear, pain, and coping. These people are wounded and need healing.
Most suffer in solitude because friends, relatives, and loved ones think they are a lunatic when they are hurting and misunderstood. These men and women are attracted to and attract other people who suffer from co-dependency.
Besides that, people with borderline personality disorders have low self-esteem, are apologetic even when they are not wrong, plus they tend to appease others or situations to avoid drama. Nonetheless, they want stability and balance in their lives. Someone who can control their feelings is a perfect match for someone with BPD. This personality can be impulsive, exhibit extremely irrational behaviorand have distorted perceptions of dating, relationships, and reality.
Because of this, they will have difficulty keeping friendships as well as intimate relationships. And it can get tough. We dated for about a year and she wound up dumping me. I could see the writing on the wall at around the 8 month mark. I endured the insults and took many of them in stride. When she would pull back, I would incessantly try to dig into what was triggering her actions. Admittedly, I took a lot of crap from this woman and did not defend myself. I was disappointed in myself a bit with that the day she broke up.
She went quiet for a while, came back a few hours later and said yes. She was done. I read somewhere to let her come to meif she never does, I never stood a chance anyway. They see love in an entirely different way. At the same time, she could be sitting there wishing for you to grab her and tell her to stop bring ridiculous or something.
Either way, the more loud and aggressive you are with a BPD and not taking crap, them ore successful the relationship. You need to have a back bone and not let her walk on you. What puzzles me is that she has never come out and said she has some sort of mental illness, but she has excused herself in advance for some of the behaviors, as if to ask for permission to behave the way she does.
So the fear comes to a head every now and then and manifests itself. This therapy suggestion definitely comes on the heels of her being really fearful. Another question is. Not hers. We control our own actions, reactions and behaviors. No, I would not go with her to therapy. If she wants to then let her. You should only become concerned about BPD if she starts physically damaging your items or trying to attack you or something.
I had an ex break my windshield. Crazy BPD.
For the last 7 years, I have been dating a girl who recently was diagnosed with BPD. The first 3 years of the relationship were great, then I made the mistake of talking to other girls and this destroyed our bond. We got back together and things seemed to be progressing, but we were always off and on.
Then last year during one of our breaks, she began seeing another guy. About a month went by, our anniversary and she called me and told me that she wanted to change and wanted me in her life.
I allowed her back in, but was cautious. She slowly developed a love for electric dance music and going raving with her friends. This bothered her, until I got her pregnant. During the pregnancy, she was very in love with me and treating me like she never had before.
I am very religious, so I wanted to keep it. I supported her because it was ultimately her decision. Several days after that, she asked that we take a break. I understood because I knew she had been through a lot. The past 2 months I had been in contact with her and she kept saying she needed more time. I asked her numerous times if there was anyone else, and she always said no. Recently, I found several pictures of her with a guy on the internet. She had been dating him since January, and I had no idea the same guy she left me for last year.
I was crushed. She is still dating him, but we have been talking. But in the pictures, there were cheesy love comments back and forth from the two of them. What is the best way to proceed?
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Is she coming back? So messed up. Any help would be appreciated. She always had a crush on me but to me she was just a nice girl. We always talked on and off and we ended up being really good friends, A few years back she was dating some dude and started ignoring me so I deleted her from facebook. Months passed, she added me and apologized and we started talking again.
Fast forward to last May when she told me she was sick and and had to get surgery. She then told me her last boyfriend forced her to have sex with her and made her have 2 abortions.
She ended up moving away because everything and everyone around here always stressed her out. I thought we would still keep in touch but she ended up ignoring me again. To make matters worse, I saw her in a pic with her ex. She also told me some other stuff which helps her fit the BPD profile. She goes to therapy and claims she is bi-polar.
This sweet girl I once knew had these skeletons in the closet I never knew she could have. Not looking for any advice or anything, just wanted to let some stuff out. No words or anything you do will bring her around at this point. I have dated a bdp-girl who I diagnosed myself without education. We have been living together since last summer. I am a karaoke-host and she always wants to come to my workplace and very rarely wants to be lefted alone home.
She loves to drink in different bars and she only needs like 4 drinks to change her behavior very aggressive violent selfdestructive. It starts usually when I am returning home from my workplace. I have saved her life so many times. Her mother is also bpd and she blames me for her drinking and the little violence I have used in the worst moment of our relationship.
Her mother is religious and says that there is a demon is me. My girlfriend also gets horny for my songs and sometimes starts touching me sexual way during my work.
Apr 19, In the worst of times, he likens dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder to having a relationship with someone who has dementia. "Sometimes they look into their parent's eyes and they see a spark. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down keitaiplus.com: Elisabet Kvarnstrom. Notoriously famous personality disorders discussed in films, courts, and domestic disputes are all part of the dramatic-erratic cluster: The Narcissist, The Antisocial, The Individual with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or a combination of two: Antisocial Narcissistic and/or Borderline Narcissistic. Jun 17, When you're dating a man with borderline personality disorder, you could be in a relationship that's full of drama, though it could be exciting. If you like the intensity of this kind of stuff, the borderline personality could be the person of your dreams. This relationship is filled with compassion, jealousy, and keitaiplus.com: Mikki Donaldson.
I still keep letting her to come to the bar I am working, but nowadays I make her to eat some antabus to make her drinking impossible. I like her much more when she is clean and can control her at least somehow. Hey Rick, You seem to have a great understanding of these women and their responses. Shes 26 very hot is a model, great fun, Im 38 tall good looking educated good job etc. Met through friends had a full fairy tale story everyone on our side etc. She could be the sweetest most complimentry girfriend Ive ever had, always told me how much she loved me and how happy she was to have me etc.
Would be difficult then 2 days later like nothing ever happened. Ended up depressed, she broke up with me. I m in love with her, tried to get her back every way, not even close to luck. Her Dad was in the KGB and drank himself to death when she was 4, and she always felt neglected by her Mom. Lucky me! Once again, great job, thanks! I have read everything on here, and it all makes more sense now; MY fiancee left me 7 weeks agoand 6 weeks before our wedding.
Everything had been planned, and all through the relationship, I couldnt figure out what was going on. Upon me going to a counselor for understanding, and talking to her own brother, it is very clear she had BPD with narcissism, but I did not realize this until after she left. I thought it was just anxiety and being difficult. I beat myself up during and after trying to figure out what I could have done more or better.
I still love her very much, and after she left, she has not contacted me once. I sent her a letter about a month ago, told her I still love her, and got nothing. I tend to be more laid back and dont like to argue, but it caused many arguments. I wonder if I had been more stern and confident in how I handled her if it would have made a difference.
I still love her, and would be there for her to work throught it. It just creates a toxic environment over time. Like your ex said, she needs you to put her in her place.
Now I know exactly what they mean. So if they are in a relationship with someone who can find the balance of giving them independence and structure without acting like they are their slaves there can be a happy medium.
If you see it that way, then that sucks. Yes, they need structure as you said. Very important. Hello Rick. I see many things posted here which are a quite nice description of the kind of relationship I am in now. I cancel appointments with friends because she wants that. BUT I am too afraid to do all these things because the contrast to what we are in now would be day and night.
There are different levels of BPD first of all. Also, it affects not only women but men as well. The facts are true that BPD need independence but still have feelings too such as wanting love, compassion and they can show empathy, love and compassion also.
Lets not get too carried away in respect to that the BPD is always at fault here.
There are situations that trigar certain emotions. Just remember, live for right now, stay away from the past and your future is what it is.
Yes, it does take a strong, secure person to handle a BPD. Talk about an eye opener! However, my current, gf showered me with praise and I lost who I was. I forgot to be me her idealization was extremely strong it became almost intoxicating. However, shortly thereafter I began to notice changes in her attitude, moods, and overall behavior.
And before I knew it I was on the emotional, verbal and phyical abuse roller coaster. This was nothing like my previous relationship. She then explained to me her past and I forgave her for her behavior. But as I see it just added fuel to the fire. I even moved in at her request; despite many arguments when she would tell me she never wanted me to move in.
I finally moved out a month ago but still the roller coaster continued. I then found your site. I can clearly see that the only thing where she is to blame is that she knows she needs help but refuses to seek it. The rest lays upon me I had three choices: 1 Man up 2 Man up and leave or 3 Be insecure and cling to her.
Have hit dating girl borderline personality disorder have
I choose 3. I do know that going forward this will have made me a better person with or without her. Thanks Rick! Hello Rick, I have a question. Being with my BPD girl on and off for 7 years. During last pull-push episode decided to do things differently, to make her work harder for the relationship.
She tried several times to reestablish contact, but I rejected her. Wanted her to invest more Now she is not contacting me anymore. Did I mist the moment? My point is to get her back, but for good this time. Will it be a weakness if I contact her now? Or perhaps I am on better position, after rejecting her in the past?
May I have your opinion? Hindsight is something I try to avoid. Just do what you can to improve yourself and your own lifestyle.
Read dating girl borderline personality disorder with you
They only love themselves! Anyone who spends anytime in a relationship with a BDP will soon realize that the life they had will be sucked out of them. BPDs spend their entire life causing chaos for those around them!
They have no ability to listen, because they have the emotional capacity of a child! I dated a BPD for 3 years, she spent the entire time throwing fits, starting fights and then topped it off with a cheating! All the while, telling me she loved me like no other. If you want a peaceful life, stay away!
I get it. And millions of men struggle with this, thanks to the horrible programming of our society. I was in a relationship with a BDP for the 11 months. There were a lot of red flags right away. We slept together the first night I met her. She said she loved me within two weeks. She was extremely clingy.
Right away she told me about sexual trauma at a young age which she blamed her mother for. Her father was non-existent emotionally. She said her siblings were drug addicts and compulsive liars. She never held a job more than a year, though highly educated. She told me about times she physically attacked her ex-husband over small arguments, and just laughed it off. She had been a cutter, and suffered from bouts of anorexia.
I ignored the red flags because my ego was being stroked.
Dating girl borderline personality disorder
She mirrored all my interests falsely, bought me gifts, amazing sex, and seemed like my soul mate. After 7 months I started to spend more time with her exclusively, and the drama emerged. There was constant turmoil in her life with work, family, finances, ect. She became hot and cold with me.
She began testing my boundaries in public. She became extremely jealous even of family then flirt with other men and throw it in my face. Then she started drinking heavily, picking fights over nothing and viciously attacked me physically when I tried to leave one night. I no longer recognized her. I drew the line at physical violence and I left for the first time.
She threatened to kill herself so I contacted her family and got out anyway. I started to think maybe it was my fault so I went to counseling, read several books, and even got a life coach. She begged me for a second chance, and I gave it to her.
Within weeks her old abusive ways returned. I refused to be her victim, and told her I wanted to talk. She knew what was coming and disappeared completely, never even responded to methankfully. A week later she was dating someone new.
I later learned about BDP and it everything clicked. If you see the red flagsrun. But this girl is beyond BPD obviously with the cutting, anorexia, etc.
They say men who survive relationships with BPD women are people who are either doormats or extreme narcissists.
Let me ask you this - do you think any high quality, high profile guys would have any trouble dating a BPD? The answer is no.
Let me ask you something Rick, do YOU think a high quality, high profile guy would even think about dating a woman like this? Plenty of successful BPD relationships out there.
I am in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months now. Initially she told me she had anxiety disorder however after 3 months into the relationship after I already fell in love with her and there were deep feelings involved I found out that she also suffers from a chronic eating disorder and OCD.
Later on I found out she also has BPD. We loved and cared about each other. We were even discussing moving in together and buying a house, etc. Her attitude completely changed in the 4th month becoming cruel and almost intentionally trying to hurt me. So I was being very supportive, loving and caring, I was bending backwards for her even when she was having her mood swings.
About a week ago, she asked to have a break from us for a couple of weeks to a month till she sorts out her feelings towards her ex.
Signs you might be dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
I respected her wish and never called, txted and seen her since. I really love the girl and she can be the most caring and loving person when she needs to bewe had such a beautiful relationship.
So I am thinking of giving it time until he either dumbs her again or she gets bored and dumbs him. Can you please advise as to how I should proceed now? How can I not be needy or let her walk all over me and be distant while at the same time show her that I care and love her?
How can I make her want me and crave me as she did before? Pleaaassseee help me. My new book Toxicity is all about that so be on the look out for it when it comes out soon.
Female BPD here, in recovery. I also used to be very promiscuous. It seemed like I always dated two different types of men. One was the man who had a lot of unresolved anger, would push me away when I tried to get close, was very shady, and had a very abusive mother whom he felt obligated to take care of and was a god in bed.
Then I met Casanova and fell in love. Unfortunately, he was very emotionally dishonest. In the beginning, I stood up to him and called him on his B. And the more I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and help him and love him, the more he seemed to misinterpret everything as criticism, unless I literally smothered him with compliments.
Basically, it was just the most emotionally traumatic 6 months of my life. But it opened my eyes. When he tried to get close to me, I noticed that suddenly I became critical of him. I decided to ignore that impulse and open up to him. At first, the relationship was all about me. The emotional trauma I endured with Casanova had brought up suppressed memories of childhood trauma, and I was very fragile.
Emotionally Stable listened to all of this, and I was terrified he would run.
In fact, he seemed to like me more. I told him upfront that I never wanted to disrespect his boundaries, but I really needed him to always be honest with me about his feelings and to be very gentle. He agreed. Once, when we were on a date and I began ruminating on the past, he expressed displeasure. I became fearful he would run, but I really respected him for being honest and it helped me to see what I was doing.
He was very considerate of my feelings and genuinely wanted to learn to please me in bed. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed that I would burst into tears. I had seriously just never had a man that I was so attracted to take time to learn about me- a guy who cared more about pleasing me than himself. We took turns giving each other massages and treating each other to meals. It was very reciprocal. I found myself really liking and admiring him.
He would return texts and answer phone calls and even initiated them himself. This just made me like him more, and I began really wanting to know more about him. I am so thankful that he modeled for me what a healthy relationship feels like.
And now I can finally be the kind of woman who can appreciate and attract that kind of man. In one of your answers you said that BPDs are really attracted to a man that does what he wants. I am BPD, and I hate when my boyfriend gets to do whatever he wants. I want him to be around me all the time. I know I know, before you jump on me haha I know I still feel very abandoned and rejected when he does his own thing.
I was only just diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I have a lot to learn. But a lot of the stuff you say should help a relationship just sounds like it helps the man, not the BPD. A lot of guys are the opposite of your BF and they try to hang around their gf all the time. She likes it at first but is soon tired of it.
Thank you for cutting through the BS and Doc-speak. To add a kicker to it all, its a long-distance relationship, being about miles apart. She works from home, I work M-F. This only leaves weekends, with us alternating who visits who each weekend. We got along great the first couple of months, then I would get a bizarre text from her accusing me of something ridiculous. Have fun!! She has since used the flight response whenever fights got intense, packing up her things and leaving mid-weekend, regardless of what was planned.
And the whole time I was trying to be rational and talk it out and debate it and argue it. We became a sort of running joke with my friends based on how many times we were broken up or together. Not funny. I love her and feel for her and know that she had a shit upbringing from her mother. No meltdowns! We discussed therapy but she basically refused and went to a psychic instead.
Having this available is a life-changer. And it also helped shine a light on my co-dependency habits. I got some work to do. Thanks again Rick. Everything is absolute with her. On top of that, she exacerbates and twists situations, stories in order to make herself a victim. Case in point, the times that I have had to flee have made me into the bad guy with her friends and family.
Now my mistake was that I used to assume ownership and blame in order to try and calm the situation down, but that only caused more frequent breakouts. She always worries that I am cheating yet at the same time she tries to make me jealous by threatening to sleep with other people if I do not give her sex. As to that topic, my BPD has to have sex in order to feel that the relationship is progressing and for reassurance that she is pretty, beautiful and worthy of being loved.
She is the most sexual girlfriend I have been with but if you retreat from sex for a while all hell breaks loose. She cannot go without it, even for short periods of time without spiraling out. I believe the turning point for me was when she physically attacked me in a rage over not having sex.
At that moment I finally drew a line with her and gave her an ultimatum as it pertains to physical abuse. Do it again and spend a night in jail. BPD or not some things cannot be permitted. Anyways, I still pull my hair out sometimes because of the constant drama that comes with the relationship. Even worse, the change between minutes, hours and sometimes days of those moods. She obviously has much maturing to do so this is one of those tricky situations. Wow, just wow. My story reads like the rest.
I am proud that I managed to stay with her for two years, the most exciting and mentally exhausting two years of my life. I was down at the time, and depressed. She prolly saw me as an easy mark. Anyway, the honeymoon lasted 3 or months lots of sex, and booze. We moved in together for 5 months, which was a complete debacle, she hated me during this time HATE. I Moved out, but we continued dating. I would stay over for three or so nights, then she would throw me out.
I made the the mistake of begging, pleading, trying to reason with her. Eventually she would come around after a couple days, but her coldness only grew more frequent and the verbal abuse more brutal.
Then the cheating started. She slept her way through her ex boyfriends, always rationalizing it, blaming me for cheating on her I never did. Then about six months ago she decided that we were just dating, and not her boyfriend and was open that she was going to MAYBE see other people and I should to.
I agreed like a chump, but would beg and cry every time she would run off. She always wanted to be with me. The situation worsened a few months ago; She called the cops, she became even more paranoid, she broke my laptop, the sex became less frequent but still amazing. Two weeks ago she went into a rage after a decent night together, I left. I of course like a chump, emailed numerous times, how much I love her, miss her, and would take care of her. She went silent again, I continued to email for a few days, then stumbled across your site.
After reading though your site, I emailed her that if she wanted to end it, I was sorry, but her choice. Then went NC For a couple days. Well, low and behold, she emails asking me to come over and rub her back, which I said maybe this week, but not tonight. My gut is saying, run and no contact. But my heart says try. What should I do? Any chance? Should I contact her Friday? What can say, I like em pretty, sexy and crazy.
Thanks in advance if you reply. I am currently going through a break up with a girl I suspect to have BPD and I am looking for help in how to best reach back out to her after giving her the space she said she needed.
Useful phrase dating girl borderline personality disorder late
We had been talking for 4 months and official for 4 months as well. She eliminates both girls and guys and moves to the next group of friends. On top of all this she was previously married and never told me.
I would like to both gain a better sense of closure while also expressing my desire to be there in whatever she is going through. I give her support when she needs it and space when she needs it. I can do that because I figured out on my own she had the disorder, started understanding her, and I care about her.
I have two points. If a man chooses to deal with someone with this affliction good for him. However even a well functioning bpd can be a lot to take on especially if you have stress in your own life.
There is nothing wrong with someone for simply saying get out of my life. Second Bpds are pretty smart and good at only giving you part of the story.
My ex hid a lot fromme including a pill problem. You are right on one thing, Rick. You do learn a lot about yourself! You just got to go with the flow really.
Hi Rick, I have stumbled upon your site while looking for some advice on how to deal with my BPD boyfriend of 2 yrs. I have found some interesting things on co-dependency which had not occurred to me previously and will be putting your advice into action.
We have broken up a couple times but only more recently have I been thinking seriously about making this permanent. He has had occasional days here and there and has been very eager to work when it comes up so I do believe he is trying. When we fight about this - usually after me asking him to do some housework - he will hurl abuse at me before storming off for a day or two.
If you could email me I would greatly appreciate it. My advice for women that are dealing with a crazy boyfriend is to limit yourself around him. I know a lot of women that go out of there way to really help out the boyfriend, but it never gets reciprocated or appreciated mainly due to the fact that the guy is crazy, lol. So my story begins with this beautiful girl I met online. At first we just did some light talk back and forth, but as time went on about a week or so we exchanged numbers and began talking about a potential relationship.
We talked about our interests and similarities via text and phone conversation for about a week. By the time that Saturday came, I asked her to be my girlfriend and we became a happy couple for about 5 weeks. I could tell she was really happy to be mine and I was really happy to be hers. We even exchanged how much we love each other over this 5 week period and life was great for the two of us until just recently.
I noticed she started becoming very distant and said she was too busy to or too tired to talk to me or see me she had an intense week of midterms to study for.
I was a bit shocked to her this from her because it felt very real to me, but I respected her decision to do want to do so. I started noticing today though that she changed her status and is even starting to delete pics of us off of the internet.
J Pers Disord. Pregnancies, abortions, and births among women with and without borderline personality disorder. Womens Health Issues. Sexual behavior in borderline personality: a review. Innov Clin Neurosci. Borderline personality disorder. National Institute of Mental Health.
Yeomans F, Levy K. Elsevier Health Sciences. Olabi B, Hall J. Borderline personality disorder: current drug treatments and future prospects. Ther Adv Chronic Dis. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.
J Abnorm Psychol. More in BPD. Starting a Relationship. Making a Relationship Last. Managing a Relationship. Breaking Up. View All. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback!
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), if you are dating someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they will display some of these signs: Feels self-important, with no realistic reason; Obsesses about unlimited success, fame, or power. Jun 13, Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition that affects the way a person processes everyday emotions and reactions. People with BPD are often impulsive and emotionally unstable. They may. Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
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