Extroverts seem to dominate the world - in business, in politics, in media. In their quiet and thoughtful way, they have a lot to teach us. Introverts often get a bad rap because of people's failure to fully understand the definition, says Farrah Parker, owner and executive coach at FD Parker and Associates 1. There are a number of benefits to this introspective life approach, so read on to find out what you can learn from introverts. Perhaps the most important thing introverts can teach us is how to be alone with yourself, says Tina B. And being an introvert can often lead to greater self-knowledge, adds Taliba M.
Not interested in dating again - perhaps this should be broken down into the not interested in dating again EVER or the not interested in dating right now. All of those things? My answer would be to tell them just that.
Of course how you answer may also be determined by who is asking and how are they asking.
Dating grieving person
Is it a beloved friend gently asking if you may be ready? Let these people in your life know that you love your spouse, that you are grieving your spouse, and that you simply are not ready, nor are you sure you will ever be ready to welcome another person into your life in that way.
There is no specific time frame for dating after the loss of a spouse. We all grieve differently and must respect our own process. Some will decide never to be in another relationship. The wonderful and amazing thing about human beings is that we don't have a finite capacity for love. Grief is about continuing to love someone who has died while also making room for new and amazing things in life. You might be one of those new and amazing things for the grieving person, but that doesn't mean you are replacing what came before.
There is nothing else to say, do, or prove. And most importantly try not to let the questions or statements get to you easier said than done, I know. Remember that in most cases they come from a place of love and concern.
People like to see their loved ones happy and they may feel that if you were happy when you were part of a couple, than the key to getting you happy again is to encourage you to become part of a couple again. So if after answering all of the above you have decided you may be open to the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship with someone new at some point, remember a few important things:.
Respect the individuality of this choice, and try not to judge yourself or others for whatever they decide. Know that it is possible to be committed and devoted to your late spouse while still wanting to grow and move forward and find happiness again. At the same time recognize that companionship and joy can come from many many places, and that a romantic relationship can be a very big step. It is not an easy answer, and like every relationship before, it will take work and devotion, and that may or may not be something you feel you have the energy for at this point in your life.
Dating after the loss of a spouse may never feel right, and that is okay too. Just as you knew before. To provide an opportunity to continue this discussion, we have a created a new forum on www. This is not a place for judgment, but a place to explore the thoughts and feelings that we may be afraid to admit to ourselves. There are people here who understand.
Join us today. So very much touched my heart really made me stop and think about my life. I can do it alone but I would be so blessed to share life with someone special. I liked this article very much. Thank You. A friend introduced me to her friend and we became friends. I know exactly how you feel. We worry so much what others think of us, but they have no idea of the true isolation of loss. You know the people that matter to you and those worthy of your love will understand.
I am certain that your darling wife would want you to be happy again. Time is short. Being able to love again is a testament to how well you loved one another and also to hope. I hope therefore that you find happiness going forwards.
Good luck on your journey xx. Franki, it is your life. It is your regrets in life that matter the most. I ask again, we should the rules change for age 20 to age Would you tell you son and daughter not to date and find happiness again?
My wife passed away suddenly a little over two years ago. We had been together almost 46 years. Since that time I had a dating relationship with a woman for three months, then a date with another woman recently. While I enjoyed the female companionship, it felt rather hollow and I felt myself wishing my wife was with me. This article validated that I am perfectly normal in my grieving process.
Thank you. It was so good to read this article. The love of my life left this world at the beginning of this year after a horrific battle with glioblastoma multiforme. I am in my early forties and was with him from my teens, married for 24 years with two amazing sons.
He was and always will be the love of my life. My world broke down along with my heart as my beautiful man stopped knowing who I was two days after Christmas. I resigned myself to a life alone; how could I ever love another human being in the same way? Before he passed, my boy told me his wishes for me and even who he wanted to care for me- a friend of his who I had not seen in over a decade.
I shuddered in horror at this, and then fate, months later, made our paths cross. He to had experienced the pain of loss and we gently gravitated towards one another with warmth and care.
It was extraordinary. Her words to me were profound, She asked me that after the birth of my first son, did I ever think I could love another child that much, but I how did I then feel when my youngest came into the world. The message was simple. You can love as much, but in different ways. I have really struggled with guilt and the judgement of others.
Those who judge did not see the endless nights of pain wracked sobbing, feel the isolation of being broken and entirely alone.
It is no way a reflection that I am healed or am looking for a quick fix. I have chosen to live and not exist. My boy is in my heart, woven to me for all of time. I just wish others could see that and I wish everyone the courage to live their lives as they choose, whatever they decide.
Sending my thoughts to the sorrowful and bereaved, hoping that the skies brighten for you all, whether that view is alone or with another by your side xxx. To Caroline. Thank you for that positive message and best wishes as you move through life. I had not yet heard that comparison and really appreciate it now. After 20 years together with my husband who can only be described as one of the best and not just by meI struggled the last 4 years with trying to understand why he pulled away from me ending in his sudden, unexpected death 9 months ago.
I suspect he felt something he did not discuss and was trying to prepare me. That pre-loss, combined with his unexpected and sudden death has created in me everything you described, plus a desire to recapture a similarly amazing relationship with someone new, like I had with him before.
The feelings are so overwhelming at times, including guilt at wanting that because I love and miss HIM so much, etc. I choose to take your positive message with hope and trust that when the time is right, It will happen again for me.
Thank you again, and I am so happy for your new companionship and wish I can find that too. My husband passed away unexpectedly five months ago. Our marriage was not good alcoholism.
I want to date again but think others would not understand as they had no idea the state of my marriage and how he treated me. I spent too much time in a bad relationship and would like to find someone to spend my remaining years with.
I feel that this is my second chance to be with someone who will value me. Anyone else experience my situation? My husband of 38 years passed a month ago on November 2nd. Heart attack and alcoholism. You and I share the same story and feelings. The one thing I am scared about is acceptance and rejection. We are just friends for now. Only God knows if we are right for each other. He has a heart of gold and it was broken. I pray that someday he could love me as much as I love him.
I am only concerned for my grandchildren. Yes, although my husband was for the most part not an outright physical abuser, mentally he could do a number on me. He drank way too much, was a bully, among other things, along with putting all the burden on me to figure everything out financially.
I can so relate to how you feel, I also would like to meet someone that cherishes the ground I walk on, just havent found anyone or dont know how to. Fortunate in finding a remarkable woman years ago, our marriage lasting 53 years ended with her cancer death in How best can I find her? I am 78 but healthy, active, and financially secure.
She will also be Christian whose faith is important to her.
We continued to be together, however it was stressful aside from being terminal there was physical and emotional abuse. I need to let new IN and let go of some of the past. I am on the other side. Both well written and for those who like Harry Potter, both good books. Probably not. Nor should you be. Because this does not necessarily mean he likes that book better. It simply means he liked the way Ron drove the flying carno different to the things you love and remember from your previous relationships.
Feb 23, Dating, as I see it, is the attempt to find a person who complements you, supports you, and makes you feel like you're home. Grief, on the other hand, is an ocean you swim through, an ocean in which every stretch of water has a different weight and temperature. Mar 22, Dating after the loss of a spouse may never feel right, and that is okay too. Take it day by day, listen to your gut, and don't be afraid to venture out. If the time is right, and the person is right, you'll know. Just as you knew before. Aug 01, Mark Liebenow knows the struggle and has a little advice. - Sometime after the death of your spouse, you will begin to think about dating, especially if you liked being married.
ALL relationships are different. Your relationship with this man is neither better nor worse to him right now. If you can help him do this, you will probably have his heart. It may be a long road. It may not. It works miracles. I hope this helps. All the best x. I am a divorcee of a marriage of 29 years. I met a beautiful woman over a year ago and we have been committed to each other, however, our relationship has been rocky.
First, my SO is a widow. She was married to him a short time 2 years before he met an untimely death in a vehicle accident over 5 years ago. She insists she was ready to move on when we started dating. I continued seeing her because I figured I would gain a friend, and we would be friends to help each other in our journey.
So, in time the rings came off, and due to a home renovation project the pictures are down for now. Whether they get resurrected at a later date I am not sure at this time. I love this woman more than anything, and she tells me the same. But, we have a rocky relationship now. I have tried to embrace her past, understanding and being empathetic to her plight, and, comforting her when she is down.
But, it is causing me distress as it seems there is still many parts of her CURRENT life that I am being omitted from, and, not being allowed to enter. At times we are happy and friends and family thing we are a couple. However if I am not around, you might think she is married and has a relationship with her deceased husband.
I am trying, trying to work with this scenario but I am having sleepless nights now. If she is not ready why does she say she is? And, am I being selfish? Any and all input would be appreciated. Thank You. Hi, Ron. A few thoughts, since you asked for feedback. Many people wear wedding rings for a long period. The reasons vary. Though she was married to him a short time, she may have experienced traumatic grief due to the sudden loss.
She may have been reluctant or unable to make changes for awhile. Maybe your HVAC works better! Social media means different things to different people. Maybe her pages are only to promote her business or keep up with distant cousins. But does he make as much money? I have been dating a widower for two and a half years. He has been widowed for 7. He has met everybody in my family, has been invited to every family function, etc. I have never met anyone in his family.
He has one grown daughter33, who only wants her dad to be with his deceased wife, or so he tells me. Oh and nothing has been touched since his wife died 7 years ago. All her belongings are still on her dresser, clothes still hanging in the closet, clothes in her drawers, shoes, pocketbooks, you name it.
Hi Peggy Did you get any answers? My boyfriend is a widower of 8 years. He had a girlfriend of 4 years, then one for 1 year and me for one year now. And I think dating in the gaps. He has 2 adult married sons, one is a consultant. The one son and wife live 2 roads away, the other in 30 miles away but comes up to work near my bf town, plus wife works close by.
The house has not been changed since her death. Nothing at all. I had to ask him to remove her personal effects including hair decorations and handbags and pictures of them together off the dressing table as I felt I was waiting for her to walk in the bedroom when we were in bed.
I got the answers you got. They tolerate me and when he had other girlfriends but ate not overly welcoming. They have their own homes but want mums night with him every single week. I find it extremely hard. I do t care about the villages if photos of her throughout the entire house, or the stuff they accrued in their life but the Wednesday exclusion is very hard for me.
This Wednesday vigil, plus the museum plus screensaver on his monitor is of her just feels too much. He deleted WhatsApp messages he sent her. I feel bad for him as I finished with him now. I feel torn. I am baffled and extremely hurt by all of this. Any thoughts.? I am dating a widow. We are both 52 now. We met 5 years ago, 2 years after her husband died. They had a daughter, 16, and a son, 14 at the time of his death. I have 2 sons ages 30 and I am the only person she has dated since her husband died.
We have a long distance 50 miles relationship. It began with emails for the first 3 months. Then we got together for the first time we knew each other in high school and hit it off. At the time we started our relationship, she was still struggling to find happy moments in her days but she is very strong and took care of her kids and the new jobs she had to take care of around the house for the first time.
GRIEF - HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING
She said that during those first two years she just felt normal at work where she had her job to do. She started having happy moments. We hit it off and things went very well. I heard from many of the family members that they were happy to see her smiling and happy again.
They are all very accepting of me as well. Things were going very well. We saw each other often. We had not made detailed plans for our future, but we both expected that our future was together.
These things changed a few months ago. The calls she would make the calls, I had the morning text and communication were starting to lessenby quite a bit. When we got together, I said I needed to talk to her and she said that we really needed to. She explained that she started having those same feelings she was having before we starting getting to know each other.
She is filled with grief for her husband. The kids are now in college or graduated from college. She is really struggling with grief right now and she is pulling away from me. A few weeks ago, we talked and agreed the expected calls, communications, etc. She needed space from me. We still talk occasionally and see each other a little bit, but I am really struggling and want to do the right thing.
She used to know that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and now she just thinks the future is an unknown. I am struggling with how to move forward. I wonder if it is best for me to give her space no communication as that will allow the grieving process to move forward, or if I should be there at the random times she reaches out. I love these moments, but I feel like they are random moments of happiness surrounded by emptiness and stress.
Perhaps I am looking for words of wisdom or maybe I just needed to pour out my thoughts. When I wrote about the things that her husband is missing and she is missing the chance to share, it makes her feelings seem so much easier to understand.
Hi, Frank. I never hear from her anymore and sometimes I wonder if I was just being used.
Amusing dating grieving person theme
It hurts like hell not having her in my life like I once did. I think these are the chances one takes when dating a widow. Their lives are so complicated. Even if they are ready to move on, their lives may not be.
For me, I try to focus on making myself better, going out with others even if I still miss herand dropping her a line every now and then to make her laugh and know she is cared about. Thanks for sharing your story. Hi Frank. I am a widow myself and am struggling to move on. One minute I want to be with my new boyfriend but next minute I want to be alone. I would say give her time be patient with her, grieving is the most complex phenomenon no one can ever begin to define.
It comes in different shapes and colors everyday. I am in that situation as a 3 year old widow. Be patient with her if you really love her. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have a daughter together and he is a stepdad to my 2 children from a previous marriage. My kids accepted him. His past relationship was with his best friend and he shared in raising her 2kids. They had not been in relationship in 10years other than friends. They lived together.
She past away during a time where he was unable to be there. The kis moved far away. He kept in close contact with them. They were family he raised then from the age of 18mo and 3years old. I have more empathy than anyone should have so know i would never replace their mom. They always ask how life is treating us and he never mentions me or our life together.
I think life would be so much better if open communication and acceptance was there i have so much love and respect for his past life so much that it kills me dailey. I broke a promise to my grandfather that i made him the night before he died. It was if i ever had a girl to give her my grandmas name. Their mom had the same name so i had to out of respect for them break a promise to the man i loved more than life my poppop.
After reading the questions and comments all interring some offensive. Is it any wonder why widows try to date widowers? Think if it like this? Can you erase halfyour life or more? Please be sensible. Thank you for writing this article and providing an opportunity for discussion in the comments section. I firmly believe every relationship requires investment from both parties. One thing I learned from my hardest thing ever, is that there is no right way to do anything.
There is only the way that feels best and sometimes that is super difficult to determine. In terms of a relationship after being widowed, our plan is to continue to work with our therapists individually, eventually work with them together and along the way, read articles like this and discuss them together.
I was widowed almost a year ago- at 30 years old- when my husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. My husband was my first love. We were married for 10 years and have two kids. Recently a sweet guy started dating me.
I told him I was not ready to commit but he was persistent that he was willing to wait. I cried so much because he had been keeping me company and calling me when I felt alone and I missed the feeling of having someone there for me, listening to me, and assuring me he loved me. A day later I unblocked him because I felt like he deserved more explanation and a chance to express how he feels. Then he convinced me to give love a chance and to stop thinking so much.
He told me to stop thinking love is so complicated. I tried to give love a chance. One day later I cut off all contact again. This time I am not going back because in this experience I realized that I am definitely not ready to love. I want the companionship but not the feeling that I have to try to convert my mind over to loving someone so different than my husband. Using my heart and trying to love someone right now is like driving a car with no air in the tires. I lost myself when I lost my husband and I am still trying to learn to love me.
Hi I also lost my husband when I had just turned 32 after 10 years of marriage and two children. My husband honestly could not of hand picked someone better for me. The feelings of guilt and worry and thought of going through that again over shadows the joy quite often.
I wish you all the beat on your journey, it truly takes a toll on the heart, soul and mind. I have been dating a widower for just over a year, and recently my kids and I moved into his home. His late wife passed away 3 months before we turned our work friendship into something more, she had been sick for over a year and he said his grieving had started when she was diagnosed with cancer years ago.
For months I have been dealing with his Mom and some neighbors spreading rumors about me to other family and friends, assuming I am in the relationship for money. He always has my back. Any way, I make my own money and have supported my kids and myself for over 8 years. He always wanted to travel, camp, and be active and the late wife and him always settled for not doing much.
Their relationship was ending before she was diagnosed but being married for over 20 years, they were still best friends and he loved her so he took care of her while she was sick. No-one knows she was cheating on him and was leaving him for another man, and they should never know, I just wish they could leave me alone because it hurts. I would never treat him like that, nor take anything from him.
They dont know me, and refuse to get to know me while constantly putting her in a spotlight of being the most amazing person. This has been hard. He asks his Mom to stop, but we get texts and calls from his friends saying she was talking about me and was worried I was taking his money she lives across the country thank goodness. Its just been such an uphill battle. On top of all that I am noticing things at the house that still have his late wife name and pics around. Every time I walk through the front door I see a welcome sign that has their last name and first name above the entry outside.
Plus her large memorial picture still hangs in the garage. I am having a difficult time feeling like this place is ours because of that. All of her decorations are still up, the kitchen is still filled with the things she picked out. Its been hard not feeling like I live in the shadow of a dead woman. I feel like a jerk if I were to take them down, or ask him to. Its all so new to me, and has been such an uphill battle, but I truly love him and want us to have an amazing life together.
His wife of 40 years past away only weeks before we met. But we are making this work because when we are together it feels right. Yes, her photos are up. Yes, he talks about her a lot. Yes, he occasionally shows signs of depression and is overcome with tears of grief. But he will in time learn to live with her passing and make room I.
His heart for me. He is a sensitive soul. Going it alone is not in his nature. He needs someone and if not me it would be someone else, maybe someone not so understanding or who is does not feel threatened by his past. He is healing and learning to grieve in a healthy way no drink, no drugs, no hiding his head in the sand.
Have not dated and after reading these comments I doubt if I ever will. I had a great marriage and feel that I could bring so many good things to a relationship but these comments make it seem like a daunting task. Not all people are the same. If you think you might want to date again, there is someone out there willing to accept the situation as it is. For those of us who have never dated a widow er this is uncharted territory and those who truly care about the other will be patient and try to understand.
In my situation, my father is also a widower and was for many years before I connected with my guy, so I have a little insight, both from watching my dad and having lost someone I care about deeply my mom. My advice, just be as open and honest as you can manage. He puts things on social media for my friends and family plus me to see saying never forgotten. Am I being unreasonable? I really wish I had someone I could talk to and who could shed some light on this topic. Makes me wonder if he needs help to process his grief.
Robinsonbuckler hotmail. My husband of 20 years was murdered in I have attending hos murder trial, I have been fighting for justice for him, mobilizing his comrades to help me fight. We even made partu regallia bearing his photo since he was a politician. We all planned to wear these on the trial dates.
My new boyfriend would stop talking to me.
I decided to pull the plug. I have been seeing a widower for about 5 years. His wife has been gone for over 8. He wants me to move in with him. His son recently was in the hospital.
Same hospital his wife died in, and says he gets depressed every time he goes up there. To me, he makes it about him and not anyone else. There are other things that he works the same way. What should I do? You arent being understanding enough. Of course the hospital his wife died in will make him depressed everytime he is there.
It reminds him of death! The fact that his son was there is making him anxious because it brings up memories of death and how his son might die too. He isnt making it about himself, he is merely expressing how he feels to someone who thought understands him. I feel you are the one not ready to be in a relationship with a widower. Unless you have in fact been in a relationship with a widow or widower you cannot give professional advice.
Just like someone not married giving marital advice or someone who doesnt have children giving parenting advice. I dated a widower for over 8 years living together for 7. From day one his adult children made it difficult. I have not had 1 birthday or xmas card nor been permitted to meet his 3 grandchildren. I was treated like filth while my family welcomed him with open arms.
To cut a long story short his life was made so difficult seeing grandchildren etc that he left me. I am in utter devestation and feel so used. Perhaps I was a band aid for 8 years. Sad thing is we shared everything and loved each other s much but evidently I was nothing compared to the ghost!!
I am a widower, my wife died 5 months ago. I spent 1 month in seclusion and mourned her passing. We were married for 36 years and had two children, and two grandchildren. Life was great until she got sick and died. I loved her very much and treated her like a queen. She kept busy after her husband died and it sounds like she did not grieve. She had a series of relationships that did not last. Now I am the only boyfriend that has lasted for over a month. She has taken me to meet her daughter and 3 grandchildren locally.
Then she is taking me out of town to meet her son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren. I love this woman, but I am not sure she loves me as much as I love her.
Think, that dating grieving person have hit the
We are leaving in a few days time to meet her son and his family. The meeting with her daughter and her family went very well. Mike its too early for you to be dating. But 5 months after your wife died is too soon, even if you spent 1 whole month in secluded mourning. One of the big things widow er s are warned against is starting new romantic relationships too soon.
Its very tempting because we have a big empty spot in our life where our spouse used to be. We sooo much want that void filled again! I am a widow dating a widower. We both have children, and I am a year ahead in my loss then him. Everything always seems to be in such a good place, but I find that he and his children grieve differently then my children and I.
This is not really an issue, everyone grieves differently. Just wanted to hear others thoughts on this. Please help, my best friend died of cancer two years back.
Five months down the road, her husband called me and said he wanted to meet and talk to me. We met and after long conversation pertaining our experiences on our beloved ones, he changed the story and told me he wanted to fall in love with me infact to marry me.
Agree, dating grieving person thought differently
I was so shocked. My questions to him were. Is that why you called me? Is it not too early for you to begin thinking of remarrying? He said he would give it time. Two years down the road, I thought the man had already forgotten and moved on with his life but the man is back to me and very serious in a relationship.
He tells me that there is no other person that he knows very well other than me. I have been a very good friend to his wife and even their children give me respect. I have been with them through thin and thick. However, I came to know him through his wife because she was my best friend then she introduced me to the family. This man has never ask for love from me when the wife was still alive.
I am a single mother of a daughter aged 25 years. I feel I am used to my own life and very comfortable with it but the man does not want to give me space.
I also feel I will be betraying my friend though she is gone. What do I do?. I have met a widower and he and I, share that we have both gone through a devastating loss. It is a very new relationship, and one of the things that we have in common is that we know how grief affected the person left behind. It is a relief to be able just to be yourself and to have open and honest frank conversations about the depths of grief and how we do our best to live a life as best as we can without our partner or child.
I am hopeful, its been nearly five years for the both of us and I think that we will are about to embark on something exceptional. Neither one of us will ever replace the family member we lost, but we can help each other find happiness in caring and committed way. I never thought I would be dating a widower, and I am sure he was not planning on meeting someone who had lost a child within the same period of loss.
Only time will tell if we can find a happy ever after, following such loss and tragedy in our lives. I will keep you all posted as to how we get on. One thing I will say to each individual who has experienced loss, and to those dating someone has suffered a loss.
Life is too short, and we have to try our best to find happiness and contentment in our lives. Seeking advice. He has no children as his late wife was 16 years older than him. I thought he had gone through the grieving process as her death was not sudden. It was a long battle with cancer.
He always wanted children, but she was unable to have any and that pains him a great deal and the fact that I have three kids myself scares him because he gets attached to kids very easily and it would kill him if he met mine and we broke up. Would it be wise to ask him to tell me about her?
About them? I dated a widower for two and a half months this past summer. It was a very sudden and unexpected relationship. I knew who he was and actually taught one of his sons about 15 years ago he is 24 now. We had a wonderful couple of months together and got to know each other very well. Our communication was excellent. It was a very passionate, healhty, and respectful relationship.
He spoke often about his late wife whom I knew earlier as the teacher of her child and I was very open about my children. We both agreed that our children come first and that if any issues should arrise with our children i. I shared with him early on my anxiety about me having young children 8 and 11 and his being older 22 and He told me not to lose sleep over it and encouraged me to relax about the issue.
After letting my guard down and allowing the relationship to proceed, he ended up breaking things off because his boys started to get him thinking about the fact that I have young boys. He is a little older than me and moving into retirement mode a little sooner than I would be as well.
He said maybe he would feel differently in a month but he did not want to lead me on and hurt me. I know he is very genuine and I respect his decision. However, we really connected and cared for each other. We ended up seeing and being with each other a few times in the six weeks following the break-up and found it difficult to be apart. He kept saying he is trying to figure things out. She had a terrible battle with cancer.
I am lost. I am trying to accept this. I think maybe the whole relationship was too soon for him. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
How do I read him? Was it too soon? There are so many things I can relate to with your experience. I love d this woman widow more than anyone I have ever been in relationship with. We lasted about a year and it was amazing, but I am not anything like her departed husband from 2 years ago if that really matters as I was not trying to be a replacement for him.
She also told me if it were just her and I things would be different. Needless to say there is much heartbreak from my side and possibly hers as well. All you can probably really do is to let him be, wish him well and know if it is not him there will be someone come into your life and you will see why things worked out the way they have.
As hard as it is though, maybe it is the best for all of you. You will find your partner on the path doing the things you love.
Feel free to send me a message and we exchange pictures and maybe someday coffee. Hello Marcus I trust you will find happiness in love again. I understand. Please respond if you wish. Single in NC. I have just been reading all of the posts and cannot find anything that quite fits my situation.
I am a 59 year old widow of 7 years, I was a caregiver for my husband for 5 years and then 18 months later became the caregiver for my mother until the her death along with my stepfather a month apart early During this process my relationship with my youngest brother was severed due to family matters. My husband and I were together for 12 years but had been friends since we were 16, coming in and out of each others lives until we married. I had a 7 year old son who grew to love and adore my husband, which helped us become a bonded family.
My husband had other children but they were not a huge part of our lives but we all got along. Many complications through our relationship like many marriages but we worked through them.
I started dating a friend a year after I lost my husband. Please understand I loved my husband but I had been grieving the loss of him over the 5 years I took care of him.
I still miss him as I do my parents and occasionally I have breakdowns of tears, sadness just wish I could talk to him. This man that I have been dating for 6 years struggles with my sadness, my memories, etc about my husband so I have tried to keep my feeling about that hidden until this last month.
I was dreaming about my husband, having conversations with him and just missing our closeness friendship Then I realized that I was keeping all of this to myself and I felt like I was keeping something from my boyfriend. I do love him and I have never made a comparison of them or my love for either. It has no bearing on how I feel about him. Our relationship is on extremely rocky ground right now.
I do know that after telling him, even with all of the consequences, I felt relieved. A lot to digest here. My best to all, believe me. That morning. It is up to my God if it is to happen again someday. My Beautiful and giving wife and friend, Nancy passed away last Dec 3r right after Thanksgiving and before Christmas, as these holidays hold no bearing to me any longer, I understand that as humans, we are here for a short time and then we leave, it is the nature of things, however I believe that the end of human existence is only one part of the journey that we are all on, and that maybe physically I am unable to see her, I can still hear her calling my name, JIm-Jim-Jim LOL, I love her more then anything on this planet and beyond, more then my own existence, therefore I have made a conscious decision to stay married to My Lovely Bride, as nothing has changed, only the physicality is different, I will be with her one day, I know that!
I can hardly wait, but until then we will remain a married couple, and we will live on here and there, wherever it may be? I am dating a widow who is 16 months into the process after losing her husband.
We met nine months after her losing her husband. We enjoyed our time together and during that time however during the first few months we broke things off a couple times. Was it too early? Was she just trying to fill a void? Could she actually feel this way about another person after loving someone so deeply?
She struggled a great deal trying to sort through the feelings. I became very attached to her and she struggled with not only my feelings but also her own regarding me.
It really was difficult for her as she thought primarily about how this would affect her kids who were adults. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt the children as they have already gone through so much.
She also had fears about putting herself out there again with the idea that she could be hurt again by someone having health concerns and dying also. We had gotten to a point where it was either we were going to acknowledge the feelings or move on without each other. After a break for weeks she came back to me and said she wanted to work on things.
The key thing though for me was that somehow blending needed to take place in an appropriate time frame.
She was always feeling like she was living two separate lives. One that she was enjoying and trying to move forward in her life and a second one of a grieving wife and mother. She cared a great deal about how people felt regarding all of this.
Family, kids, and even friends. When is the timing right to start dating? Why worry about what others are saying? She was a caregiver for many years for a husband that was older than she was.
In a way grieving had started prior to his death to a degree. She had a great deal of loss in her life including a parent in the middle of all of this taking place. So she has had mixed support regarding the idea of dating. A few comments they have been questionable from friends, and even family.
So here we are just passing a major holiday with Thanksgiving and it felt like emotions were unbelievably high. Because of the challenge with blending we were not able to spend it together out of respect for one of the kids.
Again these kids are all adults but one is struggling with accepting the fact that she is dating again. So we spent it apart and got back together last night and there was an extreme amount of emotion going on.
I have dated women that have gone through divorces and dealing with those types of issues however dealing with loss is completely different. It takes a very unique individual to navigate through the various challenges that can be presented.
One of them is if your partner is not great at communicating what is going on in their mind during their grieving. I tend to be the type of person that will talk through any issue which may be unusual for men.
I can relate to so many of the questions you ask yourself. His wife passed one year ago today. We met online when unbenownst to me a month after her passing. His father had lived in their home and passed 5 months before his wife, and he was a caretaker to the both along with family and hospice. When I found out how soon after it was I said we should just be friends. I dated and we did become closer. He was the confidant and companion I needed at that time, and I was the same for him.
Looking on his FB I would become insecure. What can I ask and not ask about pictures? How could he ever love me as much as he loved her.?
Will every holiday be like this now? Every birthday, anniversary, deathiversary? Her birthday is in the same month as mine. When everyone said they will be together in heaven someday, I think what will happen to me if we have a future? Today people are reaching out and sending him notes saying they are thinking of him and missing her, knew Christmas was her favorite time of yearChristmas is my favorite time of year also, as Im sure it is for many. She and I had similar music tastes as well.
So I miss out with having him because of a ghost? And then I hate myself for feeling it and thinking it. I think she even cheated. Her own family and friends have said this. Yet the pictures and his grief tell a different story. He has a tattoo on his chest of her face from when he was deployed way back in I feel selfish.
He is not a man who freely discusses his feelings. So what in the heck is my problem! Thank you. I have to say alot of your story is also mine.
I date a widower who lost his wife also three years ago. We have done everything together, we live together, bought a house together and I always have embraced his wife as part of us because it is part of him. He is recovering well and will make a full recovery.
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My heart broke. I have had very little insecurity, jealous or whatever that is called. I have always believed we were brought together to live our lives together and we are a great couple. She was the love of his life. I know that. I am reeling right now and am preparing for him to be released tomorrow from the hospital. I know I need perspective and I am trying to find it. I am dating and love dance clubs. The best thing for me was to join an active widows club, some are national, in your community also, and I had done thing with them and meet people there.
I keep up my fitness. Some people meet at widows clubs. I do light body building and have spa days often, even at the local beauty school and am dating a man 12 yrs. We have wonderful communication skillsoutdoor skills, dance events, and we love doing things in groups.
We will start disaster relief teams and go around the country for service. I like all military men and have found another. I do not know if I will marry again butto share, widows clubs, not grief medical center groups have helped be.
Both are important, for me, I wanted to be active. You can choose to be as young or old as you want to be. I started seen a widower almost 6 months ago, at the time he was widowed for 10 months. On the anniversary of her death he asked for some space which I gave him and let him contact me when he was ready. I agreed to it because honestly I was having the most fun I have had in years with him. He spoke once in a while of his wife, there were a few pictures in their house, which does not bother me at all.
He would say and do things that lead me to believe as well as some close friends who knew if the situation, that he does like me but is afraid of what others would say or that he felt guilty. We celebrated my birthday which was the beginning of November together it was really nice. I know Thanksgiving was their favorite holiday.
Before this we would text almost everyday, now he only text me when I text him which was only 2 times. I like him a lot even though I am not supposed to, and I keep getting theses signs that make me think if him.
Should I tell him how I feel? Both his words and his actions are telling you this. Guys who are ready for you and who want you and know this will pursue you to the ends of the earth.