Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan? However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place. There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You might ask yourself why is that? A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them.
Here is a conversation I had with a woman I was dating. I was staying at her house and this was late at night; not too long after we had sex. Me: Get something out of the refrigerator.
Her: Fine then. I will just not eat though I am hungry. I left out the house and never came back. Of course she called multiple times over the next several weeks wondering what happened to me, but I was gone for good. I just cannot stand such blatant and poor attempts to manipulate me. This is all too common in Japan.
Jun 24, One ct of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance. When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own. She refused. This comes through in dating because Japanese girls are really flaky and often cancel at the last minute. However, often times that's because you mis-read her yes as a no. This tendency is often infuriating for newcomers to Japan but with time, you'll work it out. NB: In our experience Japanese guys are far less likely to flake on dates.
The people there do their best to avoid conflict. There is a huge emphasis on this and a strong aversion to complaining, even to your loved ones in private.
Being seen as a complainer is one of the worse things possible in Japan. No matter how bad things are going for you, suck it up. A direct consequence of this is the inability to really speak directly and candidly. In Japan, it is nearly impossible to get someone to be forthright about something.
This will include your personal relationships when dating so be prepared for a barrage of passive aggressiveness. You thought American women and their shit tests were bad? Many women are running around there with some serious unchecked mental issues and you would not have the faintest idea at first. Problems such as abuse can be seen as normal and that behavior will be projected towards you. There is also the chance of her pulling off a disappearing act, leaving you wondering what the hell happened.
This is simple. You marry a Japanese women and then that day comes when you finally go through divorce. Guess what? She will take away the children. In Japan, the wife will take them away from you and disappear.
In the United States at least some courts treat some men fairly. Another simple thing that needs to be mentioned is that all too often many men get married in Japan and have their first child. Only to see that his wife has stopped having sex with him.
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Many men on ROK have said this is a deal breaker so nothing more needs to be said on the subject. There is also infidelity to consider. Does any of what I mentioned sound familiar? I hope so because these are exactly the same complaints men on ROK typically have regarding women out here in the West. What needs to be said is that all women behave the same way generally speaking unless the culture checks that behavior.
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That is it. I ask that you be very careful when dating, no matter where the woman is from. Just one example is a co-worker of mine. When I asked him how he obtained his cellphone or credit card, he said his wife did everything for him. One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the moneybut the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance. He actually needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any of his own hard-earned money!
Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system. I noticed that those kinds of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan. She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue. They know how to survive in Japan even without the help of their Japanese partner who is at work most of the time anyway.
The man seems to accept that she wants to keep working even after marriage. All the couples I know of have a relatively harmonic relationship. Of course, there are enough reasons for disputes, but all in all, they seem to manage better than couples where the man is foreign.
All I want you to keep in mind is that as a guy you should not let it get to your head because suddenly you get all this attention from beautiful women.
And as a foreign girl you should keep in mind that your time in Japan - at least in terms of romantic relationships - could be quite lonely at times. As you said, everyone has their own experience, and from a language perspective, I find it interesting that, while it is my case we speak French at home, as we ended up moving here well before I knew anything about the Japanese languageevery other bi-national couple that I know in town speak Japanese at home, regardless of who is the foreigner in the couple.
She can manage a budget, I suck at it, it makes sense that she do it. A very interesting point. Maybe you can also write a blog about the differences in behaviour of Japanese and western men?
For us women who are interested in dating a Japanese man, to avoid any troubles. I believe that Japanese men are more polite and serious than western men, at least, the Dutch ones I dated :stressed:.
Thank you very much. The universal trait is that guys are quite interested in that ct of relationships.
There are so many taller guys out there as well. I needed one pretty bad. On arrival found out all the women working there were Chinese. Her massage was really great. I do massage for family and friends, and when I got a massage that is crap, it is quite frustrating. Out of the blue she said that the guys in the US were bigger than the Chinese guys. It seemed to me she had done a lot of massages and seen a lot of Chinese and US guys. You are so right! I remember your blog from a few years ago.
I used to read it a lot, but then just lost sight of it! Thinking back, I think you might be onto something with foreign women having an interest in language and culture and that being a requisite for a relationship with Japanese guys. Mind, most of my acquaintances and friends that got married to a Japanese party have studied Japanese studies, so there you go. But more women got married to Japanese men than men married to Japanese women, hmm.
Most of that is in the lewd category though, i. Dating in any culture is interesting but then to thrown in cross-cultural dating with all the hidden agendas is a complicated load to deal with.
What seems to be missing is a true connection and intimacy.
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So I guess the lesson is not to settle in life. By the way, I enjoy reading your insightful postings. At least I hope the humor is intentional. I look forward to reading more! Talking about relationships, no matter if cross-cultural or not, is always complicated as each is very unique and has its own story. So the mistakes are not intentional, but the humor is!
Whoa, back up. Say what? Lots of foreign guys end up with really average and below average Japanese women after being in the bars every night of the week looking. Guys with skills will do better elsewhere. The men who stay all end up getting married, right? The reality is, hooking up with Japanese chicks is a ton of work.
Can you do it if you stay out late every night?
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But you can do that anywhere. What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you are a western guy with decent social skills, you might do better elsewhere. Having said this, if you are willing to put effort into understanding the culture, nothing will stop you from dating Japanese girls.
When I first came to Japan I thought the western men had it easy, too. I thought: man, they could just sit on a park bench and after 5 minutes-bam! Have flocks of women come to them without lifting a finger! In contrast, western women have to put in a ton of effort just to get a guy to respond back to a text message. But then, after living in Japan and later China for a long time, I started to spend more time with your average Japanese woman at the office.
I also started to see what kind of Japanese women my western-man-friends were typically dating. At first, I was jealous because Japanese women are nice, polite, absolutely adorable-basically, something I could not compete with. I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard.
Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan.
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While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot. As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens.
But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run. But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend.
And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men. I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! Keep up the good work :. Hello Mary! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for.
B-b-b-but men should approach me!
Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc.
Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder. But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya.
We spent most of the week together before I left. She has already spent some time with me in America. You know what? But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One ct of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance.
When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own. She refused.
She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her.
She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections.
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She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. First world problems. I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan.
I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves.
Part 2: 18 Other Popular Japanese Dating Sites & Apps Tinder Japan Popularity: Type: Global Dating with Some Japanese Members Platform: Website, Android App, iOS App Tinder is a very popular dating app in Japan. So if you are in Japan, and want to find casual dates with local Japanese women, you may want to give it a try. Enjo-kosai (????, literally, enjo, "aid or support", kousai "congress, intercourse, intermingling", shortened form enko ??) is a type of transactional relationship. It is the Japanese language term for the practice of older men giving money and/or luxury gifts to attractive young women for sexual favors. The female participants range from school girls (or JK business) to housewives. Jul 01, I live in Tokyo, am Japanese-American, and have been dating Japanese women exclusively for the past couple years. You are spot on with your rebuttal of this list of half-truths and I'd like to add to it. RE 2: Traditionally, Japanese women were the .
Well, it pays off. Yeah, no thanks. According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan. See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City?