If you've been single and in the dating world for a long time a relative term, so take it as you will , you've likely stumbled across a "serial dater" at some point. A serial dater is a unique breed. They fall somewhere in between a casual dater -a person who intentionally seeks very lighthearted romantic or sexual connections often seeing multiple partners at once -and a serial monogamist-a person who goes from one relationship into the next without spending much time alone in between them. The serial dater is one who loves the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the beginning, then jumps ship-to a first date with another person-before anything too serious can develop. And they love the power of doing so. The thing that makes serial daters so interesting and, unfortunately for you, attractive, is that they're master manipulators. I'm not saying they're bad people-sometimes, this behavior isn't even on a conscious level!
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Furthermore, tony reinke 'ask pastor john piper. The serial dater is one who loves the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the beginning, then jumps ship-to a first date with another person-before anything too serious can develop.
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And they love the power of doing so. The thing that makes serial daters so interesting and, unfortunately for you, attractive, is that they're master manipulators. I'm not saying they're bad people-sometimes, this behavior isn't even on a conscious level! If you're looking for a genuine and lasting relationship, that's obviously a problem. Serial daters tend to be people who are either addicted to power dynamics having the upper han or very afraid of being rejected.
It's often a mix of both. And when I say afraid of rejectionI mean very afraid, to a point that they must be the person to reject you before you could even have a chance to leave them.
Many serial daters actually enjoy breaking up with people, because their fear of rejection or thrill of the chase often comes from a place of deep insecurity. They love the validation that comes from knowing somebody wanted to be with them, whether or not the feelings were mutual.
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They might want sex, but it's usually the affection of another desirable person that gets them going. Then once they have that-and they see your feelings are turning the situationship into something more serious-they bail Sounds fun, huh?
I know So here are the signs to watch out for when you're seeing a new potential partner, to ensure you don't end up falling under the spell of yet another serial dater:.
Obviously, this isn't a black-and-white rule: Some completely emotionally available, relationship-oriented people enjoy hours-long dates, especially if they feel an instant connection. And there's nothing wrong with that! But serial daters often depend on drawn-out dates to have a chance to sweep you off your feet and grab your attention and thus their gratification from the start.
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They get off knowing they "hooked" you, so in their eyes, the sooner and faster, the better. The guy who's been texting you almost every day suddenly goes MIA for a week, then comes back with some dramatic excuse "Sorry, my grandma died".
Whether their reason is legit or not, if they do this type of disappearing-act-plus-OTT-explanation thing regularly, they clearly like to use drama as a way to win your sympathy. Be honest: You're more likely to grant special exceptions to their behavior-or even feel like you're having some intense bonding experience with them-when they make you believe that only something catastrophic would keep them from talking to you.
Don't fall for it!
I don't want to spoil the idea of grand romantic gestures, because those can be amazing from the right person. But given that serial daters tend to do things on repeat, they know which buttons to push, in a good way.
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They're less likely to go slow and build a friendship while courting you and much more likely to orchestrate a quick and dramatic that word again! A word to the wise: If it feels a little too much too soon for things to be genuine, it probably is.
Bachelor Nation is known for pulling out all the stops. These couples are still together, though!
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Unfortunately, a lot of people use jealousy as a means of feeling better about themselves-as in, if they're able to make their partner even a little jealous, then they obviously must really care about them. Trying to make someone jealous isn't healthy-and it often backfires that's a different story -but that's what serial daters often do.
Nov 16, The great prize in dating is not Christ-centered intimacy, but Christ-centered clarity. And seven other principles for Christian dating. Marshall Segal Jun 6, K Share on Twitter Get Desiring God in Your Inbox. A nightly brief of our new teaching resources. Subscribe. God . Apr 22, When serial daters do express a desire for a committed relationship, they are focused on finding nothing short of the perfect partner - which, of course, does not exist. Social approval and material riches: Serial daters often focus on earning money, showing off success, or dating someone who can bring them such rewards. Aug 12, John Piper is founder and teacher of keitaiplus.com and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books, including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist and most recently Coronavirus and Christ.
You might hear them talk about adventures with their friends of the opposite sex, or randomly bring other women's names into conversations. At the end of the day, they're typically more focused on earning your attention than on building a relationship, and they'll stop at nothing to get it. Then, as mentioned, they bail once they do.
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If you ever hear comments like, "I was a player before I met you," "I've never opened up to someone like this before," or "I've never felt serious about anyone until now," let yourself feel the feels, but then consider the context. Has this person also talked about their intentions and desires-a.