We have all been there at one time or another - fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships. A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together. He may even discuss moving in, having kids or possibly propose marriage.
As time goes on, the loser will begin to cancel dates or possibly, not not show up at all. He will make endless promises that he has no intention of keeping.
He will say that he loves you but then treats you like something on the bottom of his shoe. He may even become physically abusive. At this point, you need to walk away, regardless of any tearful apologies that he may make.
A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image. He is unable to walk past a mirror without checking himself out. He also likes to talk about himself and rarely lets you speak, unless it is to shower him with praise. He expresses very little interest in your life, family, friends, work or your activities and interests. Your role is to make him feel good about himself and not to bore him with the minutia of your life.
A loser tends to be extremely active on social media, constantly posting images of himself. He will closely monitor the number of 'likes' and adoring comments from his followers. It is highly improbable that he will add any photographs of you. He does not want anyone to steal his thunder. A loser lacks empathy and does not stop for one moment to consider how his actions will affect you.
His inability to accept criticism also means that he is never wrong. Consequently, any attempt by you to challenge his wrongdoings will simply result in feelings of anger or self-pity on his part. As a result of this, you may even begin making excuses for his actions.
A loser will openly criticise and embarrass you in public. He will do his very best to make you feel worthless, so that he can feel superior to you. This makes you easier to control. As you begin to have feelings of self-doubt, you will eventually reach a point where you feel worthless. This is exactly where a loser wants you to be. He does not want you to succeed at anything, as that would make you better than him.
He is secretly setting you up to fail at everything you do. At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. This is to lull you into a false sense of security, but do not be fooled.
This is simply a ruse to deceive you into believing that he is financially secure. More often than not, a loser is living on credit. He is unable to manage his money and often has significant debts.
He also has a great sense of entitlement which means that he spends way beyond his means. Slowly, but surely, he will begin to milk you for all you are worth. He may explain that he has 'cash flow' problems and begin by borrowing small amounts of money.
Initially, he may even repay these. A small token gesture which is intended solely to further increase your confidence in lending him larger amounts of money. A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money. Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.
You really do not need financial hardship on top of heartbreak. If you are having problems getting over them, then you should consider implementing a period of no contact. The most important thing to remember is that the problem is not with you. You may even discover that your partner has a history of this type of poor behaviour. It is also possible that he has a borderline personality disorder or, worse still, is a narcissist. Ultimately, you will discover that the trouble with dating a loser is that they are not always that easy to get rid of.
As soon as you start pulling away, in an attempt to end the relationship, they usually pursue you with renewed vigour. Whilst this may generate feelings in your head that you may have made a mistake, please remember that this is not necessarily a sign that you were wrong.
Signs you dating a loser
Just ensure that you see the loser for the person he actually is, not the person you want him to be. All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back. Why did he do that? It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum. Either way, you're better off without him. Move on and find someone who is more deserving of your love. So I started talking to a boy in school.
We are coming to the end of the term. We seem very close. I told him that I liked him, and he blushed.
+ 10 Signs He Is a Loser And Why You Need to Dump Him NOW!
He takes my pencil and won't give it back until I shake his hand; but most of the time, it's more like holding hands because he holds on and won't let go. Do you think he has any interest in me? It sounds as if you are at the beginning of a long life journey that will bring you both pleasure and pain. Perhaps this boy thinks of you as a friend, or maybe as a girlfriend. I honestly cannot tell.
The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the attention, but don't let it detract from your studies. Believe me, in ten years time, you won't even remember these events, but your exam results will stay with you for the rest of your life.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying the first throes of young love. However, you must stay focused and prioritize what your long-term goals are.
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I have to give my take. Read about sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personalities and what victims of these munipulating non-human beings do to a person psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually.
I am a counselor and was almost driven to shoot myself. This monster deliberately tried to give me hiv all the while playing on my empathy and love for him, while telling me it was all my fault. It was impossible to tell the the truth from fiction, I questioned my sanity through out. The worst and most eye opening experience of my life.
Please, stop insinuating to victims that it is part their fault for being deceived and manipulated. It is a very painful ordeal and personally I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and got attacked and blamed by his realm of friends and family who are also being manipulated and lied to and don't have a clue. Those statements of blaming someone who has done no wrong and is going through such a moment of questioning their self worth and devastation cam mean the difference between life or death.
I have so many clients I run into who thank me for helping them, can you imagine if a monster like this had gotten his way only to replace good deeds with his evil intent. I had no idea such evil people existed in real life. Look up the symptoms of a sociopaths victims, then you will have a small minute glympse of the torment a person was blindly led into.
Like the lobster, being put in the pan before it is heated doesn't realize it is being cooked to death to be feasted upon. There was a time in years past that elderly family members had much to say about their young people's choices of mates. Then, more young people listened to them.
Now, young people mostly make their own decisions about a mate and marriage without consulting their fathers, mothers and grandparents. It is true that we are responsible for our own happiness, but that includes being responsible and sensible enough to listen to wisdom and people who love us and have always looked out for us when we could not help ourselves. A good, loving father or brother is usually able to assess the reliability of a daughter's chosen partner.
Guys know guys. The one thing we do agree on DashingScorpio is that we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. The point I was trying to get across is that sometimes it is easier for someone on the "outside" to gain a better perspective of situations than someone who is entangled in the middle of it.
Feb 27, 25 Signs You Are Dating A Loser. 1. He cut his drug habit back to just pot, meth and occasionally, sniffing paint. [insert pot smoker image] 2. His resume includes his high score from "Call of. Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser. Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist. Comment (September 27, ) This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "Losers" in relationships. The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. It's clear the article is a way of.
You offer some excellent points in this hub. However I would have to slightly disagree with you about the problem not being "you" in the article. I realize we live in an era where everyone wants to point the finger at someone else or anything else when it comes to dealing with issues. The truth is each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
There is no getting around that one. If I go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead Do I curse the onion for not being an apple? I have to learn to become a better "shopper"! You are responsible for your own happiness.
It's your life. Take the wheel!
There other signs you dating a loser sorry, that
In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser".
These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed. The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically.
If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you.
When a high number of these features are present - it's not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others.
One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you.
Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you.
You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you.
Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is too good to be true! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates.
The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc.
You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way.
Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well.
This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it.
In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them.
If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you.
Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence.
It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver not his as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes.
They give you the impression that you had it anger, yelling, assault coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression. Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts who feel lucky they're gone!
They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you.
Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have toseeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring male loser technique or inform you that they might be pregnant female loser technique in front of your coworkers!
Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again making you a prisoner and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are.
Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time.
No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity.
The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them.
If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie.
High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime.
That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people.
That can signs you dating a loser doesn't
When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".
It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected.
This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.
All clear, signs you dating a loser are
Entitlement "The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum.
Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.
They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members.
Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself.
They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude.
People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way. The Waitress Test It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months.
During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over.
Happens. signs you dating a loser phrase magnificent can
If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road. The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior.
If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior.
If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship.
With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser".
Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others they might say something that you'll have to explain laterand fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public.
Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things.