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View Resources. Newsletters One of the ways we communicate important news and info is through our email newsletters. Sign Up! It seems that, in general, singles are viewed by themselves as well as others as lacking something.

The longer the singleness remains, the more both singles and marrieds view the situation through the lenses of loss.

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This is a common story I have heard both in reading and in conversation with our singles here. What happens is in your younger single days, as your friends start to get married, your married friends then try to hook you up with their other single friends in the hope that you would find your spouse.

Then what happens is, as singleness persists, marrieds start to think something might be wrong with you, and singles begin to feel as though God has robbed them of something or forgotten them by not bestowing upon them this blessing of a life partner in the covenant of marriage for life.

What I want to start with right out of the gate is that both the married couple that would view singleness as an oddity and the single man or woman who would view God having forgotten them or robbed them of a joy by not giving them a spouse are way out of line with how the Word of God talks about singleness and how Jesus himself and other biblical authors rejoiced in singleness.

Here's what I want to do. I want to start by talking about types of Christian singles. If you're not a Christian and you're a single, I don't know really how to navigate you through this talk. If you're a believer in Christ, a follower of Jesus Christ, I want to unpack how Jesus saw singleness, and specifically that he thought there were three types of singles. Then from there I want to talk about singleness as a gift, because I think that idea, the gift of singleness, is often the butt of jokes and not really understood in its biblical framework.

Then I want to talk about the advantages of being single, and then from there I want to talk about some of the unique struggles, and then I just want to encourage singles in a certain way and encourage marrieds in a certain way, and then we'll re-center ourselves around the fact that Jesus was single and full of life and joy and purpose.

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So there's my outline. Let's start with these types of Christian singles. In Matthewhere's what Jesus teaches. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it. I'm going to use these three ways as three categories of Christian singleness. In his first sentence, "For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth" I'll call this celibates from birth. What I have in mind here and what I think is in view here is those who, from birth, will not pursue a sexual relationship with another, either because of a defect or maybe even they are asexual or maybe even, if you'll indulge me here, they struggle with same-sex attraction and, therefore, will be celibate by birth.

Now what I'm not trying to concede is that there is any evidence, when all is said and done, to support that we are born that way, although, as Christians, even if science were to somehow prove one day that you are born that way, you can be born with all sorts of bents toward what is sinful and not be allowed to indulge in those bents.

So when we look at this first one, what we're looking at is those who are celibate by birth. When you start talking about being celibate by birth and living a life of chosen celibacy, a lot of people will dog-pile on that idea and paint this dreary, weary picture of going home to an apartment all by yourself. It's dim, and you're cooking yourself a microwavable dinner.

It's this kind of drab and weary life.


Yet quite a few Christian celibates who struggle with same-sex attraction paint this completely different picture of what they've experienced in trusting that the Word of God is true, laying down that same-sex attraction, and devoting themselves to a life of celibacy.

Let me give you a couple of quotes. This first one is from a man named Dan Mattson. I reject the representation of a life striving for celibacy as miserable, and part of my mission in life is to debunk all of the dreary, droopy tropes out there of what celibacy is all about. I just need to read more about how it's used. Here's my favorite. Ron sounds like a guy I would want to hang out with. This is a quote from Ron Belgau.

Yes so is marriage; so is grad school; life is pain, princess. Is it frustrating at times? Yes but watch someone raising toddlers sometime and it may change your perspective on the challenges of celibacy.

Have there been times when I wanted to give up?

Join The Village Church for Worship at & AM. The Village Church Justin Road Flower Mound, TX Resources. Our resources help you find your place in God's story, practicing and proclaiming the gospel in the everyday. View Resources. Newsletters. One of the ways we communicate important news and info is through our email newsletters. You can sign up to stay connected. Matt Chandler is a husband, father, lead pastor at The Village Church in Dallas, and author of several books, including The Mingling of Souls: God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption. Matt was our recent guest on the Ask Pastor John podcast and answered ten questions on singleness and dating. We get a lot of questions from young Christian men and women who are "not yet.

But is it worth it? And do I regret it?

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The second is by and large the largest group of singles, and this would be dedicated celibates. The reason I'm using the word celibates for Christian singles is that the Christian is dedicated to sex within the confines of marriage, so regardless of what type of single you are, you have given yourself over to the lordship of Jesus Christ and said that sex belongs inside the confines of marriage. I am dedicated in my celibacy, whether that's celibate from birth or just a dedicated celibate.

This category is what we most often think of when we think about singles. They're hopeful they'll have a spouse one day. They look forward to being married. They're just in this space right now that they are waiting.

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Then the last type of celibate, or single Jesus adds this really radical category that the Jews would have had a very difficult time processing in the first century of vowed celibatesthose who simply renounce marriage because of the kingdom of God. They get a sense from the Spirit of God that they want to give their life over to the kingdom of God and don't want to be distracted with marriage, so they literally give themselves over to Jesus. In the Protestant imagination this is difficult for us, but think more about priests and nuns and those who say, "I'm going to devote my whole life to the service of Jesus, and I'm going to lay aside marriage and any desire I have in that way to give myself fully to the kingdom of God.

Regardless of which type of single you are, the Bible is clear that singleness is a gift from God. That's how the Bible talks about singleness.

Not like it's some sort of second-class status but rather that it is a gift. Let me show you that in 1 Corinthians I wish that all were as I myself am. When Paul speaks of singleness, and specifically the gift of singleness, he's not saying there are these select few people who have been given the spiritual gift of contentedness in singleness. That's not what's being taught here. Rather, he is teaching that where you are in the circumstances of your life is God's gift to you.

If you're married, then you've been given the gift of marriage, and if you are single, you have been given the gift of singleness. God is being gracious to you and giving you gifts in your life circumstances. Now I want to add this caveat, specifically for those who are widowers. It is not the loss of your spouse that is the gift.

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That is heartbreaking. It is the singleness that is your gift. Paige Benton Brown says something like, "I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to deserve a husband or too spiritually mature to need one.

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I am single because God is good and this is his best for me. Singleness is your gift, single. Marriage is your gift, married. This is what God has given you in this life stage for your good because he is good. Now I want us to look at what the Bible calls the advantages of singleness.

Let's look at 1 Corinthians Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. Paul is like, "Hey, marriage is going to have a lot of troubles, and, singles, I would just spare you that. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it.

For the present form of this world is passing away. This is Paul's way of trying to orient the heart and mind around eternity and not just the cares of the present. He's saying, "There is a future that we are closer to now than we have ever been, and you need to orient your soul around that future. Paul is drawing their hearts out of their present circumstances and their eyes off of themselves and saying, "Hey, look up here.

Live in such a way as to show that you understand that there's a greater reality and a greater purpose for your life than your business, than your marriage, than any other part of your experience in life. There's a greater reality. Let's live for that greater reality. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.

But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

When the Bible talks about the advantages of singleness, it's going to lay two right on top of our lives.

Here's the first thing he says in this text: he wants to spare singles the troubles of marriage. One of the advantages of being single is you don't have the troubles of marriage.

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Then he goes on to define what those troubles are as married people. He says clearly that we have a divided mind and heart and that we're anxious about a great deal of things.

He's saying that we have a shrinking focus about our lives.

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I have, as a married man, a wife I need to tend to and a marriage to cultivate and to at times be anxious about. How are we doing? How am I doing as a husband? I have children I'm anxious about.

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How are they doing? How am I cultivating them as their father? I carry these anxieties as a married man, as a husband, as a father. If you're a married woman, you carry these anxieties. This is according to the text.

Jul 02, Here's how I want to end our time together. I want to speak directly to you singles, and then I want to speak directly to you marrieds. If you're a single man or woman at The Village Church, here's my encouragement to you. I want to try to call you out of any holding pattern you might be in. The Village Church exists to bring glory to God by making disciples through gospel-centered worship, gospel-centered community, gospel-centered service and gospel-centered. Village Church is your local church serving Surrey, Langley, Abbotsford, Coquitlam, & online. We bring the the fun & community back to church. Visit today.

Paul says, "I want to save you singles from the anxieties of being married. I want your focus to be broad and not narrow. The married man or woman's focus has to be narrow because they're married.

I get this from Peter Scazzero. The picture of marriage is one of the depth of God's love. My attention is on you.

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You're my person, and you come first, and then everything else comes second. He's listing this divided mind and heart chiefly because they bear weight on the next point. He says that in your singleness, the advantage you have is the opposite. You have an undivided mind and an undivided heart.

You have a breadth of focus that's greater than the narrow focus of the married man or woman. I want to talk about it this way. I've learned and this was one of those things I learned and I was like, "I'm an idiot" single men and women don't necessarily have more time and more money.

In fact, in a very real way, they probably have less. If you think about what it takes for a single man or single woman to cultivate deep, rich relationships, most often that doesn't occur when they come home from work at at night and sit in their house and begin to have these conversations, but rather it takes more effort to cultivate.

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There is a breadth of relationships they have, a breadth of places that they are sowing in their gifts, a breadth of places their monies are going. So most often, singles actually have less time and less money, not more time and more money.

This is the great advantage of singleness: they are undivided in mind and heart. They are freed up to serve the Lord and to devote their lives more fully to the Lord, because they are not divided in their affection because of a spouse or children and, according to the Bible, the anxieties that brings. What, then, are the struggles of singleness? I had to have a lot of conversations about the struggles of singleness, because I don't think the struggles of singleness are unique to singles, but I think the ways they have to navigate those struggles are unique to being single.

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They're not unique to them, but the ways they have to navigate through them are unique. I think I'm saying that in a way that is fair. Let me start with sexual temptation. There is a pervasive lie that is so prevalent and so powerful in you can't blame anyone for buying the lie.

The lie is that sexual expression and sexual experience are necessary for human flourishing. The pervasive, persistent lie that we're drinking in with every commercial and every ad is that in order to be fully alive there must be sexual expression and sexual experience.

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Preston Sprinkle says the whole idea that sexual expression is essential to human flourishing comes from Freud, not from the Christian worldview. This is, again, a very modern idea, that what I need to be most fully alive is great sexual expression and great sexual experience. This is handcuffing and paralyzing and wreaking havoc, not just among marrieds but among singles, as they try to navigate spaces where the prevailing norms are sexual expression and sexual experience, fast, without a lot of connectivity, and a lot of anonymous going about and doings.

This is the air they're breathing. The place that I was like, "Wow!

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